A Series of Very Bad Jokes
by lunartick
Summary: Part of the Series series. Faced with twenty-four hours worth of very bad jokes, there is only one thing Kuroro can do: retaliate - Ryodan style.
1. A Series of Very Bad Jokes

**A/N: **As promised, here is the next story in the Series series. This story takes place at some unknown time after the events of A Series of Romantic Burning Buildings so it's not exactly a sequel. It's not going to be a very long story and the chapters might be a bit short, but hopefully it will be an entertaining and interesting to you.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me.

* * *

A Series of Very Bad Jokes

In Kuroro's estimation, it was sometime after two and closer to three in the early morning when his cell phone suddenly rang. That in itself should have been a warning that things were about to take a turn for the worse, but in his defence, he had been in the middle of REM sleep and was as disorientated as was possible for someone like him to be when the call came. In any case, instead of ignoring the call as he should have, he had raised his head sleepily, groped for the offending object and finally brought it to his ear with a muffled, non-verbal complain.

"Kuroro," he mumbled, and re-buried his head into the unfamiliar but comfortingly fluffy pillow.

"_Hello dear,"_ Midoya's voice chirped with disgusting cheer in his ear. In hindsight, that should have been his second warning that things were about to take a turn etc etc. On one hand, yes, Midoya June Kito was his lover, his partner, the woman he was currently in a very enthusiastic and creative sexual relationship with. On the other hand, she was also the same person who had set a powerful mafia don on the Ryodan, stabbed him through the heart with a knife, drugged, kidnapped and ravished him, and who on most occasions than not, dragged him into a lot of trouble that usually ended with him staring at the huge hole in an inconvenient part of his body and wondering how on earth it had gotten there. It probably said something about his mental state that he still found her one of the most attractive people in the world, and this was despite the fact that Midoya had been born with a face only a blind mother could love.

In any case, it was a testimony to how _off_ he was that, instead of running away screaming like one of those heavy metal bands Midoya sometimes listened to, he half-growled half-mumbled, with a degree of annoyed affection, "Hello Midoya."

She laughed out loud at that. She had a very elegant, almost melodious laugh. And she sounded so happy. And awake. And well-rested. Damn that woman. _"Goodness, you sound so cute and sleepy,"_ she commented fondly.

"Yes, that would be because I was sleeping," Kuroro sighed, tucking his head under the covers. "I know it is morning in York Shin but I can't say the same for where I am now. You really should have taken that into consideration before calling me." At least he tried to say 'consideration'. In the end, it was too many syllables for his brain to handle, so he mumbled something that might have been, "You really should have taken that into comummuramum before calling me."

Midoya laughed again and replied, _"I know that. It's exactly two thirty-four in the early morning where you are now. You have been sleeping for only two hours, you poor baby. You really should have gone to sleep earlier instead of reading Lovecraft's works; you know how those stories always make it hard for you to sleep because you can't help thinking about how you could apply his techniques to interrogating your poor victims."_

"Exactly," Kuroro murmured, eyes half-closed. Then they snapped open again as the alarm bells ringing in his head finally gave up trying to get his attention in a subtle and polite way, and kicked him in a very sensitive part of his anatomy instead. "How did you know that?" he demanded, rising up on one elbow. "How did you know how long I've been sleeping and what time it is where I am?"

"_Oh, I know a lot about where you are now, sweetie. You're in the Republic of Duma, checked into the Hotel Dumaras. Your room number is twenty-three. You've been in Duma for two weeks, hitting various banks and museums in a very exciting robbery spree. On that note, I must let you know that the diamond you took from safety box thirty-seven is probably a fake, but then, you probably already know that and just intend to sell it as a real diamond to some ignorant buffoon. I also know that you've developed a fondness for a café you found on Hopoko Street since you've eaten there six times this week. You are also, silly boy, all alone without your precious Spiders."_

Slowly, Kuroro sat up, eyes narrowing. "How did you know that?" he repeated softly but menacingly, reaching for his trousers and slipping them on even as he spoke to her. "Have you been keeping track of my activities?"

"_Only for the past twenty-four hours. Don't worry dear, it's not something I intend to make a habit of, though I might now that I've seen how good you look in that black spandex suit you wore while infiltrating the Duma Museum of Popular Culture as part of a circus troupe."_ Well, _damnation. _This was not good; he could _hear_ the wicked smile in her voice, the one she always wore right before she unleashed a world of mayhem and chaos onto her poor victims.

"Midoya, what is this about?" he demanded, hopping on one foot as he attempted to put on his trousers with only one hand. "What are you planning?"

"_Aw, you can't guess?" _

"This will not be the first time I'm telling you that it is beyond my mere mortal powers to predict the fearsome force of nature that is you," Kuroro told her, a note of warning in his voice. Unfortunately, his attempt at scolding her only made her laugh.

"_Alright,"_ she said, still laughing._ "Here's a clue. Do you know what date it is today, Kuroro?"_

Kuroro frowned, struggling to zip up his fly with one hand even as he tried to make sense of her question. What did she mean by that? Why was she following him and what did the date have to do with anything? "It's the last day of March… no, it's the first of April," he said finally. "Why?"

"_Got that in one, dear!" _Midoya exclaimed gleefully. _"Happy April Fool's Day!"_

"What?" Before Kuroro could further question her on the strange and bizarre greeting, multiple presences flared on his radar, indicating at least four people at the door to his room. Immediately, Kuroro sprang for the bed, one hand darting under his pillow to pull out his Benz. At the same instant, the door to his room clicked open and four people charged into the room in a cloud of _Midnight Poisson Eau de Parfum_.

"Surprise!" the quartet of burly, Ubogin-size drag queens shouted, showering his room with glitter, feather boas and thick, muscular, waxed legs. As Kuroro gaped at them openly, they yanked off the various glitzy, sequinned outfits they were wearing, revealing definitely male bodies and a collection of equally-glittery machine guns that had been hiding under their skirts. "Happy Birthday to you!" they howled, showering him with bullets. "Happy Birthday to you! Happy Birthday Kuroro-you-poor-fucker! Happy Birthday to you!"

By then, Kuroro was already diving out of the window, glass shattering around his bare torso as he landed on the ground and rolled away. "What on earth is happening, Midoya!" he shouted into the phone. "Four drag queens are shooting at me! At _me_!"

"_I know,"_ Midoya replied, and he heard her smile widening. _"There are still twenty-one hours left to this day. Good luck." _The phone clicked off and Kuroro stared at it, torn between the desire to either call her back and yell at her (or at least speak very sternly to her), or smash the phone on the ground and scream like a frightened child.

In the end he decided on neither because the drag queens had appeared at the broken window with their machine guns. "Oh Kuroro baby!" they cooed, giggling and tittering like school-girls. "Come back here so we can _shoot _you to our hearts' content!" Which was one euphemism too many for Kuroro.

"Well bugger me silly," he cursed and took off down the street, four trails of glitter, sequins and bullets after him.

* * *

Shirtless, beltless, penniless, in short, devoid of all his belongings but one pair of trousers, one pair of underpants and one cell phone, Kuroro was certain he made quite a sight as he sprinted down a side-street away from the hotel. At least, he would make quite a sight if there had been anyone to see him. Dumaras, the city he was currently in was the financial capital of the Republic of Duma. Hence, the small city was occupied mostly by banks, offices, some light industries and other money-making things. Almost all new arrivals here were people on business trips as there was nothing worth seeing for leisurely tourists in this city. Hence, the city went to sleep much earlier than some places, like York Shin or Agocchi. The most exciting thing Kuroro had seen so far (from a tourist's point of view at least), was a tiny bar that claimed to cater to 'Foreign Tastes'. It served York Shin-style pizza and Padokian-brewed beer. It also remained open to the ungodly and scandalous hour of _eleven at night_.

Either way, the lack of night life was something to be grateful for, Kuroro mused, as he slipped into the silent night. With a quartet of drag queens coming after him, the last thing he needed was to be arrested by the police for wandering around barefoot and shirtless. Apparently, as he had discovered in his short stay here, people here were a lot more conservative than he was used to. Not wearing a shirt was apparently somewhat of a social no-no, as was men dressing as women, women speaking loudly, and chewing gum. He could only hope that mentality would impede the progress of the drag queens as they hunted him down. Surely the police would be more inclined to arrest cross-dressers than a shirtless man, right? He wasn't too sure, but he was certain people were normally more uptight about men wearing women's clothes than men running around naked. The logic always confounded Kuroro, since the reason for wearing clothes was to protect a person's modesty after all, so weren't men in women's clothes being more modest than naked men?

But his mind was taking refuge in the mundane. The quartet of drag queens weren't his primary problem. They weren't even close to being a problem. After all, they were only the symptoms of a much deeper problem, the consequences of a greater cause, the minions of a particular woman: Midoya June Kito.

Screeching to a stop just five feet from the main street, Kuroro glanced behind and judged himself far enough from the hotel to rest a little. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, he dialled Midoya's number again and waited. Two other tries later, she still hadn't picked up the phone. Either she was content to leave him to his own devices or she was genuinely busy with something else. That was not… good. He had no idea what she was up to or why she had deigned to attack him like this. That she had called to warn him before the attack was probably due to their new policy of open honesty, but in Kuroro's opinion, her honesty had hardly been 'open' enough. He still had no idea why she was attacking him, and he had no idea what her cryptic reference to the date meant. Well… when in doubt… Kuroro found himself dialling another less familiar number.

A few seconds later, Kuroro heard the phone click. _"Hello?"_

"Pepeka, it's Kuroro," Kuroro said, glancing behind him to make sure the coast was still clear.

"_Hey, bro. What's up?"_ Pepeka Timbal, Blacklist Hunter, and Midoya's ex-apprentice and secret admirer replied distractedly and with a distinct lack of enthusiasm. Kuroro had gotten the impression that Pepeka was not terribly happy that he and Midoya had gotten back together again. He did seem to have reconciled himself with their relationship though, because he was at least being polite, which was the most one could ask for from someone of Pepeka's character.

"Many things are up at the moment, Pepeka, which is the reason for this call. I wanted to ask…" Kuroro paused and frowned, listening hard. "Pepeka, are those explosions I hear in the background?"

"_Huh? Uh, yeah. They're explosions… of uh… sorts. I guess they're pretty loud, huh?" _

"Indeed, they are. What are they? Are you being attacked? You don't sound too alarmed, which seems rather uncharacteristic of you. Oh, I get it. They're fireworks, aren't they?"

"_What? No, they're not fireworks. They're just land-to-air missiles... uh… like missiles that go from the land to me, who am in the air. I'm actually riding a hang glider now and I've got a bunch of people dressed as Big Foot firing those missiles at me. I'm like five thousand feet in the air because I like jumped off the World Tree, not the top of course, which is a pity. It would be fun to glide down from that high up. Too bad I didn't have a chance to get that high before I jumped, though it's probably a good thing since the pressure would have probably caused me to pass out. Anyway, those Big Foot… Feet are fucking powerful Nen-users and I couldn't shake them off properly so whatever. Still, the wind is fucking insane, man. It's like surfing but way cooler. You should try it one day." _

Kuroro blinked and stared at the phone. "You what?" he asked cautiously. "Did I hear you clearly? I'm quite certain you said you're being chased by Big Foot."

"_Yeah, that's what I said. To be accurate, I'm being chased by several Big Feet. Huh, that sounds wrong. Is that the plural for Big Foot or is it like Big Foots? Shit, I can't decide. You tell me, Kuroro. You and sensei are the smart ones." _

It was a good question, but Kuroro refused to be derailed from his inquiry. "Big Foot?" he demanded instead. "Do you mean the Missing Link?"

"_Yeah. Like the ape that walks upright thingy. You must have seen the videos on the Net; you know what I'm talking about." _

"Well… yes, yes, of course." Kuroro shook his head. "I just never expected to… Well. Are you free to speak now? I sense that I'm interrupting something."

" _No, not really. I can talk for now at least. They can't get a good shot at me because of the awesome wind. Besides, this is just sensei being sensei, so I'm used to it." _

"Right." Kuroro's not-insubstantial intellect made a large jump in the process of logical thought. "Pepeka, will this have anything to do with four incredibly inappropriate drag queens breaking into my room, singing 'happy birthday' to me, though it is not my birthday while opening fire on me with glittery pink machine guns?"

"_Hah! You got the drag queens this year!"_

Kuroro stared some more as Pepeka laughed uproariously into the phone. "You sound like you know who I'm talking about."

"_Sure do. They're Penny, Ashley, Nijima and Tamago. Really nice dudes once you get to know them. I mean, the waxed legs and obsession with guns took a little getting used to, but hey, it ain't up to me to judge them." _

"Are you serious?" Kuroro rubbed the bridge of his nose. "Is this normal behaviour for them?"

"_If sensei sent them, yeah. It's April Fool's day, isn't it? She does this every year." _

"Does what every year?" Kuroro demanded. "I've known her for years and this is the first time she's done this to me. In fact, if it's not too much trouble, I would like to know what exactly 'this' is."

"_What? You don't know?" _

"If I did, I wouldn't be calling you."

"_Right. It's uh… well… A short answer would be: pranks." _

"Pranks."

"_Yeah, pranks."_

"Like 'practical jokes' and whatnot?"

"_Yeah. That's right." _

"I'm going to kill her."

"_Geez, cool your jets, dude. It's not a big deal. Maybe she's only doing it to you now because she finally feels comfortable enough with you to screw you up. I mean, you really need to be close to her to get this." _

"What? Screw me up? Close to her? What on earth do you mean?"

"_Come on, man. It's April Fool's. Sensei's just playing pranks on us. Get in the swing of things and have fun!"_

"Being fired on by four drag queens isn't a prank, Pepeka. I'm running around half-naked in a conservative town where I've just committed several crimes. It is not funny at all."

"_It sure is if you're sensei." _

Kuroro opened his mouth to protest then closed it then opened it again. Finally, he stopped his rather decent imitation of a goldfish in favour of a pensive expression, which looked a lot more dignified than the expression ornamental fish wore. "You're right; this is quite Midoya's style, I must admit. She does have a rather bizarre and… violent sense of humour." He sighed. "So how do I get her to stop?"

"_You can't, but don't worry. It'll stop once the first of April is over. She's on York Shin time by the way, in case you are somewhere else in the world. Relax man, just enjoy the process. It's kind of fun once you get into it." _Something exploded quite close to Pepeka and he cursed cheerfully._ "Oh yeah, word of advice, bro, don't stay in one place for too long. She definitely has more than a couple of queens on your tail." _Pepeka's voice grew quiet with remembered horror. _"She always does."_

"Thanks for the warning," Kuroro said, and dodged, just in time to avoid the woman wearing a fetishized nurse costume jumping at him with a scalpel. As he did, he almost dropped his phone. Luckily, he had the presence of mind to hold on to it.

The nurse (for lack of better name) rounded on him with a smile. "You look like you are cold, darling," she purred. "Wouldn't you like me to warm you up?"

"No thank you," Kuroro said, backing away warily.

"No, I insist." With a flourish, she pulled off her costume to reveal what could only be a rocket launcher. "It's my job to look after patients after all!" she shouted then threw back her head and delivered a rather good overly-dramatic evil laugh.

How did she hide that weapon under her skimpy clothes? Where did she learn to laugh like that? And where on earth did Midoya find people like this? Those were the questions running through Kuroro's mind. Unfortunately, he was too busy diving away from the rocket to actually ask them.

The heat of the explosion seared at his skin as Kuroro sprang back to his feet, just in time to hear the nurse deliver another incredibly evil laugh. "You can run, but you can't hide!" she declared with a dramatic flourish of her scalpel. "I shall hunt you down and _violate your flesh_!"

"Right. No thank you."

Turning on his heel, Kuroro took off down for the main road, shaking his head. Relax and enjoy the process?

Not likely to happen.

* * *

Two hours and five attacks later (by drag queens, a woman in a nurse costume, a group of dominatrix, a man in a grinning bear mascot suit and a quintet of pale, glittery men with golden eyes screaming that they had been madly in love with him for a 'thousand years'), Kuroro decided that Pepeka's advice was far from sufficient. No matter where he went in Dumaras, Midoya's little pranksters always managed to find him. The city was just too small for him to hide properly from what was obviously a very resourceful spy network. Worse, it was now close to five in the morning, and the city was starting to stir. Though Kuroro had managed to acquire a shirt, shoes and cash by the simple act of robbing a boutique, he had no doubt that running around Dumaras while chased by a variety of people who looked like they belonged in adult-only films was still going to get him into more trouble than this trip was worth.

At this point, wearing an over-sized T-shirt with a cartoon bear on it that declared he was 'Friendly and Cute', and tucked in a dark alley occupied by seven dead rats and one heavily drunk homeless man, Kuroro decided that there was no sense in merely reacting to Midoya's little game. Running around as he was now was getting him nowhere, and there was still nineteen hours left till the end of the first of April (York Shin time). He was not going to last that long. Sooner or later, he was going to get caught and violated – not necessarily in that order.

Squatting between the dead rats and as far as the homeless man as he could, Kuroro turned his brilliant brain to the issue. There were essentially two paths he could take. One, he could fight back when Midoya's inappropriately-dressed pranksters attacked him. In order to stop the pranks for good, the best thing he could do was kill them after all. However, that was one path he would rather not take. Not only were the attacks on him more playful than harmful, these people were obviously Midoya's employees, and he doubted she would take kindly to him massacring her people when she had taken the trouble to, he now realised, let him know that this was all in the name of fun.

After all, Kuroro mused as he tried in vain to rub red lipstick off his neck (the result of a rather overly enthusiastic woman dressed as a kinky vending machine), killing her pranksters would, in a way, be an admission of weakness, that he was unable to get away from the minions she had sent after him. Letting these pranksters outwit him and force him to resort to violence was thus definitely a no-no. In other words, that left him with only one option, and that is to escape Dumaras.

That her pranksters could find him so easily in this city told him that Midoya had set up a wide, far-reaching spy network in this city. Her call to him, when she had listed out how much she knew about his activities in Dumaras, had hinted at that. If she had set up a network in anticipation of chasing him half-naked around the city then the best thing he could do was to get out of the city. In fact, he should not only leave the city, but the country of Duma as well. He had no idea how widespread Midoya's spy network was, but knowing her, he would bet that she had spies in every city and town in Duma. When Midoya set her mind to a task, she spared absolutely no expenses to complete it. Underestimating the scope of her influence would be deadly, especially for his dignity. She had definitely _not_ told her pranksters that he was not to be molested, groped, and generally sexually harassed. Definitely not.

Mind made up, Kuroro straightened up, stretching out the cramps in his calves as he considered his options. There were two ways out of Duma: by blimp or by land transport. Since Duma was on the same continent as the Republic of Padokia, it was not impossible to hire a car or jump on a train and travel to a different country. However, since Dumaras was located in the heart of Duma, a fairly large country, it would take quite a while to actually travel out by land transport. By the time he got out, the Kalends of April would be over and it wouldn't even be necessary to escape anymore.

As risky as it was trapping himself in a contained space with no easy route of escape, blimp it was then.

Just as he made up his mind, his phone beeped, letting him know he had a message. Surprised, Kuroro pulled his phone out and glanced at the screen. Midoya's name caught his attention and he opened the message. The message read briefly: _You looked better shirtless_. This was followed immediately by a picture of him taken from the back _kneeling in this very alley_.

Kuroro spun around, just in time to catch the homeless man bearing down on him with a true-blue gladiator sword in his hand. "They may take our lives," the man howled, "but they will never take our freedom!" A cheeky grin spread over the charcoal-stained, but obviously young face and the man added, "That was by Miss Kito's instructions, by the way."

"She got you to quote bad movie lines to me?" Kuroro asked aghast as he dodged the clumsy attack. "Have her pranks sunk that low?"

"At the very least, you'll always have Paris," the young man replied, grinning as he circled around Kuroro.

"Oh _stop_ it. I've never even been to Paris."

The young man laughed cheerfully and leapt at him, swinging the gladiator sword in an arc that was so wide it left him open for an attack. He then followed it with a downward swipe that, though impressive-looking, almost threw him off balance. Kuroro took note of how inexperienced he obviously was, how easy it would be to damage him irreparably, and turned and fled before he accidentally killed one of Midoya's toys.

"Hey, come back!" the young man called, his voice teasing and full of glee. "I'm not done with you yet, Mister!"

"You can't always get what you want in life," Kuroro muttered.

"Oh yes, like they say, life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you're…"

"Oh please, for all that is good and wonderful in this world, _no_." Abandoning the streets, Kuroro took to the roofs, leaping through the concrete jungle until he was sure he had lost the young man.

Still, by this point Kuroro had to admit that as annoying as Midoya's game was, he was starting to see the humour in them. Was not All Fool's Day supposed to be a good twenty-four hours of fun and entertainment? Why should she be the only one enjoying herself then? After all, two can play the game. He didn't necessarily have to be the only one running around in a prime imitation of a headless chicken.

In fact, Kuroro mused, while his network may not be spread out as far as Midoya's, he _was_ still the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan and what was the Dancho good for but giving orders?

Pausing on the roof of the Bank of Duma (which he had just robbed two days ago; ah, what fond memories), Kuroro carefully mapped out what he had in mind. Then smiling, he pulled out his phone and made a call. After a five minute conversation, his plan was set in motion.

By the time Kuroro Lucifer leapt off the Bank of Duma, he was grinning evilly. Pepeka was right; this was going to be _fun_.

* * *

Last night, the weather forecast for York Shin had included words like 'rain', 'gloomy', 'cats', 'dogs' and 'umbrellas'. It was a testament to the failure of the media that none of that turned out to be true. There were certainly no domestic pets running around. And as of this very moment, the sun was high in the sky, reflecting off the tall, glass buildings around her and effectively blinding her. Squinting, June Kito pulled on a pair of shades and glared at the buildings as if she would destroy them if she could.

Well, technically she could, but she didn't have the time at the moment. In her business, as in all businesses, time was money, and money was good because she could use it to further build her business. Quite a vicious cycle, that. So, instead of calling up her personal demolishment team, she tossed her hair haughtily at the offending buildings and walked towards the limousine waiting for her.

As she approached the idling vehicle, June couldn't help a sigh that didn't quite come from her. What a pity it was that she had so many business meetings today. If she had a choice, she would have gone to Dumaras (as Midoya of course) and played with Kuroro. She (that is, Midoya) had never used April Fool's as an excuse to play pranks on him before; largely because she always had difficulty finding him when he didn't want to be found. She had always imagined him retreating to some secluded, hidden hut in the middle of dense forests and nestling in there with nothing but food and books for company. What a surprise it was to find out that he simply did what he always does, rob, murder and read, only by himself. But then, it had occurred to her that Kuroro didn't seem to have many hobbies at all, so it was probably good that he liked his job so much he still did it even on his days off.

At any rate, it was, Midoya had thought, her ultimate triumph, locating the elusive Dancho of the Genei Ryodan when all others have failed. Now that she had finally succeeded in ruining his day, she couldn't help wondering how he was handling it. It would be fun seeing him run around shirtless, she mused wistfully, but no, June had to be a good girl and go for those _meetings_. On the bright side, there was always next year, if they were still alive next year. If not… well… maybe she could turn Labour Day into a day for pranks as well? Pranks were a hell lot of labour, weren't they? It kind of made sense to play pranks on Labour Day didn't it?

Unfortunately, before she could make up her mind, the limousine was right before her, so she put those thoughts aside and slid into the car, ignoring the chauffer who was holding the door open for her. Fixing her face into a mask of icy politeness, she turned to the corpulent man sitting at the far end of the limousine. "Mr Veneson," she said coolly, holding out a hand. "It is a pleasure to meet you."

"Ms Kito!" A sweaty, soft hand gripped hers and she felt nervousness and fear radiating from the unappealingly limp fingers. "It is a pleasure to finally meet you too. Why, you are much prettier in person. The cameras don't do you any credit at all."

"Thank you," June Kito said with a cold smile. "I am glad you could come down today to discuss the sale of Summer's Love Co to the Kito Enterprise, Mr Veneson. This deal has been on the table for a long time now and I would like to close it as soon as possible. As you can imagine, many things need to be done before SLC can be reopened, so I would like to get started."

"Uh… well… about that…" Veneson stammered, wiping sweat off his forehead with a stained handkerchief, "my client… that is Mr Sutherland, he is… that is… he wanted me to tell you… that… well, this is a very difficult and complicated issue. How should I put this?"

"Succinctly," June Kito advised dryly and Veneson swallowed fearfully.

"Alright," he said shakily, "but do remember I'm only the messenger, a mouth-piece for my client, and... and just _hired help_, you know? Not… not… okay, I get it. Succinctly." He swallowed again, his Adam's apple bobbing up and down grotesquely under his fleshy folds. "Mr Sutherland feels that is… that the price you offered is… how do I put it… insufficient."

"Insufficient." The word dropped like a body dangling from a noose.

Veneson turned an unhealthy red and more perspiration rolled down his face. "I… I mean…" he stammered, "I personally think the price is good! Really… really quite good… but Mr Sutherland _is_ giving up the family business and he has two children to put through college… so he was thinking… th… th…"

Very gently, June Kito put her hand on his and Veneson stopped breathing altogether. She saw his eyes darting around her face, trying to read her expression and failing. Not being able to see her eyes obviously bothered him. His hand shook under hers – probably from a lack of oxygen. "The price was agreed on in the last meeting," she said very slowly and very firmly. "There will be no changes."

"R… right…" Veneson gasped, starting to breathe again. "Right. Of course. No changes. Right. Th… that sounds good. Uh… I… Well then… I'll… I'll just go let Mr Sutherland… that is… let him uh… know."

"An excellent idea," June Kito said, smiling coldly. "Be on your way, little messenger. I don't have all the time in the world."

"Y… yes," Veneson said and started to reach for the door handle.

And, at the exact moment when he gripped the handle, a giant pendulum blade dropped onto Veneson, severing him and the limousine in half.

June Kito stared, shook her head, stared some more then decided that this was too much for a pampered, rich heiress like her to handle, and switched with Midoya, who gamely took over the staring for her. "Chauffer," she said blankly, "there's a… blade in the car and it just cut your employer in half. That seems like very bad housekeeping to me." There was no reply. A quick glance in the driver's seat let her know that the chauffer was quite dead as well.

Her seat started to tilt suddenly as gravity did its job and the two halves of the car fell apart. Midoya, still dazed, allowed herself to slide until she hit the door of on her side of the car. As her back hit the car door, her shades slid down her nose and she peered over them at the corpse in front of her with deepening confusion. What had just happened? Had a giant, curved blade like something out of an Edgar Allan Poe story really just fell on the car? Was she under attack? She couldn't sense any hostile auras in the area, so perhaps not. Was it an assassination attempt?Who had been the target then: June Kito or Veneson? Given that Veneson was the one who is dead, perhaps he was the target. Come to think of it, could the chauffer have been the target? He was dead as well after all. But then, she had to ask herself, who would want to kill that man? He had the personality of a wall, the dress sense of a desk and the face of a cushion that had been sat on for too long by an excessively obese man with over-active sweat glands.

Her phone rang so suddenly she actually jumped in her seat. Embarrassed and very glad no one had been there to see that, she fumbled for her phone and answered, "Hello?"

"_Ah! Hi Kito!"_ Shalnark's overly cheerful voice replied. _"How's it going?" _

"Hello," she replied, still staring at the blade. "I'm doing great, thanks for asking. Kuroro's not with me if that's what you're calling about. He's… well, I suppose I shouldn't tell you since he might get mad at me."

"_Oh, no, no! Don't worry about that. We already know Dancho is in Duma."_ Shalnark cleared his throat. _"In fact, I'm calling on his behalf. Dancho has a message for you." _

Midoya blinked as a sudden sense of dread filled her. "What message is this?" she asked cautiously.

"_Happy April Fool's,"_ Shalnark chirped and hung up on her.

"Why thank you," Midoya replied faintly to the dial tone and shut her phone.

Well, well, well. It seemed she had underestimated Kuroro. This was the first time since she had started this tradition that her pranks had been turned against her. Perhaps she should have expected this; dear Kuroro was definitely no pushover like Pepeka, who had endured her pranks, superficially disguised as 'lessons', for years.

A wide grin spread over Midoya's face. It has been a while since she had faced a challenge like this, and it was tempting to dive head first into it. But no. It was important to do damage control first. That the Ryodan struck at her while she was June Kito could signify one of two things. The first was that Kuroro was annoyed enough with her that he was willing to risk contaminating June's life with Midoya's, which he knew is something of a taboo for her, just to get his revenge. However, given the playful and inoffensive nature of her pranks so far, it was more likely the case that Kuroro had only given his Ryodan the briefest of instructions on how to prank her (the nod to Poe was definitely his doing), and they had, not knowing her pet peeves, unwittingly attacked her as June Kito. Most of them did not appreciate the fact that June and Midoya must never mix after all. If that was the case, their antics, as harmless as they were, risked polluting June's life with Midoya's presence.

Only one thing to do about that.

Quickly, Midoya pulled out her phone and called her newest secretary.

"_Hello, Ms Kito?" _

Silly question. June was the only one who would ever call on this line after all, but then she had hired her secretary for her loyalty, not her brains. "Janna," June said. "Cancel all my appointments for the next twenty-four hours."

"_A… all of them? Why? Is something wrong?" _Ah, she really had to teach that woman to not ask questions. If Midoya hadn't turned out to be so fond of her, June would have fired her by now.

"Yes, something is terribly wrong," June said solemnly. "I will be out of town for that period of time and I do not wish to be disturbed for any reason while I'm gone. If something very urgent comes up, call my Butler or Rose. They'll decide if it is necessary to contact me."

"_Yes Ms Kito. Take care."_

"Thank you," June said and hung up.

June's life settled, Midoya tucked her phone away and turned to regard the bent, twisted, door. With a series of swift kicks, she managed to kick the window out, and she crawled through, getting glass and splinters into June's expensive suit. Midoya ignored them, a happy, giddy smile still on her face. After all, Kuroro Lucifer, Dancho of the Genei Ryodan and her favourite lover to date, was playing a game with her, and Kuroro knew all the _best_ games. Ooh, this was going to be so much fun! She couldn't wait to see what else he could conjure within the next twenty hours. Of course, it was up to her to match each prank of his with an even better one. Time to put her infamously devious mind to it. But before that…

She barely made it far enough away from the car before Franklin blew it to pieces with his Nen bullets.

* * *

"Give that back," Kuroro said to the yellow duck.

"No," the yellow duck replied stubbornly and ran away, taking Kuroro's trousers with him.

"Argh," Kuroro told the increasingly bright skies above him and started to chase after the duck.

Eventually he got his trousers back.

He also got hit in the face with a water balloon.

Damn pranks.

* * *

While in theory, 'damage control' and 'screwing up Kuroro even more' were all fine and well, the application of it was probably not going to be that easy. That was surprising because there were essentially only two parts to the plan. Firstly, Midoya needed to keep in contact with all the pranksters she had deployed to Duma. Though she trusted them to carry out her plans, she did not trust them to be able to improvise on their own and out-scheme her genius Kuroro. Hence, she needed to be in contact at all times so she could direct them the way she thought best. Secondly, she needed to avoid the Ryodan as much as possible. If they couldn't find her, they couldn't prank her – it was as simple as that.

Well, the first part was easy. She had her phone with her; it survived an attack by a mummy and Cousin It from the Addams Family (she really had to learn the names of the Ryodan members). They had been armed with superglue and furry pom-poms. She was lucky to get away with her dignity intact, much less her phone as well. Having her phone with her meant communication lines between her and her underlings were always open, so there was no problem there. The second part, however, was going to be a little more troublesome.

After all, how does one outwit, outsmart, and generally out-prank one of the most notorious and infamous S-class criminal organisations in the world?

It was possible to play cheat, Midoya thought, as she slapped makeup onto her face. If she wanted to, she could walk into the York Shin Hunter HQ and hole up there till the end of April Fool's. Not even the Ryodan would risk attacking the Hunter Association just for funsies. At the very least, she was certain Kuroro wouldn't allow his Ryodan to push things that far, not unless they gained something from it, and Midoya doubted 'vengeance against her for hiring drag queen strippers to shoot at him' was considered a 'gain'.

But then, Midoya cheerfully mused as she spread a rust-brown eye-shadow onto her eyelids, where was the fun in hiding in the HQ and having every other high-level Hunter present breathing down her neck? No, she wanted to play with Kuroro, and 'Kill the Princess in the Impenetrable Fortress' had never been her favourite game even when she was a child who didn't know better. Besides, if she was going to hide, the Hunter HQ was surely not the only option in the city. York Shin had so many nooks and crannies only a born-and-bred York Shiner would know of. There was the red-light district, which she was intimately familiar with; the slums; the clubs; even the shopping malls. However, Midoya didn't want to risk being attacked in those places. For one, she certainly didn't want the Ryodan damaging her brothels again. That had been quite the disaster, both for her people and for her reputation, and she suspected she hadn't quite recovered fully from it. No, there were better and more dispensable places to hide out in and one of them was the steam-punk street of York Shin.

Tucked in a side-street that led away from the high-rise mafia-owned buildings and fancy upscale clubs was a tiny market street, perhaps only two or three streets long, selling everything steam-punk related. There were aviator goggles, aviator outfits, pretty accessories that turned metal gears and cogs into ornamental designs, and, of course, pseudo-navigation machinery. All of this would have looked out of place in the modern, boring central areas of York Shin, but within these streets, all the people out and about, mainly younger men and women, strolled around dressed in reimagined, fetishized Industrial Revolution gear.

At the moment, Midoya was hiding in one of these shops, a clothes boutique specifically, in the changing room, altering her appearance to fit in with the crowd. Like all good Hunters, she was very aware that she couldn't always rely on access to a fixed store of supplies, hence Midoya had little emergency stashes all over York Shin that contained money, weapons and a good disguise. Ever since she had started dating Kuroro, she had upped the number of stashes she had; you never know when people will start disagreeing with your choice of lovers and start blowing all your property to pieces after all. This particular stash hidden under a loose wooden board in a changing room in a boutique on Steam-punk Street contained the disguise of a… a… Midoya tilted her head at her completed outfit. "A 1920 woman-aviator meet dominatrix," she decided as she slipped aviator goggles over her eyes.

Pausing only to make sure that her disguise was complete, she stepped out of the changing room and silently glided past the giggling girls in the boutique out into the streets where she blended in perfectly with the throngs of people streaming around. Book in hand (appropriately Jules Verne's _Twenty Thousand Leagues Under the Sea)_, Midoya hummed cheerfully to herself as she set out to find something to do while she waited for the Ryodan to catch up with her. On that note, she had to wonder how long the Spiders will take to find her She knew there were other smart people in the Ryodan, like Shalnark, but she hadn't really pitted her wits against them before and had no idea how well they will do without Kuroro to guide them. Not too badly, she supposed, since all the Spiders had always struck her as rather independent people, but one never knows. Sometimes being in a group made people too dependent on others; sometimes it drove them to even greater heights. It would be interesting to see which kind the Ryodan was.

Well, she would probably find out soon enough.

Out of the corner of her eye, Midoya caught sight of a café sitting down a tiny alley. Keeping with the theme of steam-punk, the café was furnished to look like the inside of an Industrial Revolution era factory, with boilers and steam engines lining the sides of the café. Airplanes from the era of the Wright Brothers hung from the ceiling, and the tables and chairs were hand-made with metal gears. And in a corner (Midoya's eyes lit up) was a shelf of books, all from the steam-punk genre of course. It looked interesting enough that Midoya stopped to peer inside.

"Hello. How may I help you?" a young man asked, stepping out of the shop to greet her with a wide smile on his face.

"Hello." Midoya smiled back with genuine pleasure. He was cute in the way that she liked, with pale skin, delicate features and intelligent eyes. "I'm just taking a look."

"I see," the young man said, his smile widening appealingly in a way that made her want to flirt with him. "Would you like to take a look at the menu?"

"Sure," Midoya replied with a shrug. It wasn't like she had anything else to do until the Ryodan next struck or until her pranksters updated her on Kuroro's status.

"Give me a moment," the young man told her and walked back into the shop. Well, well, well. He looked as good going as he did coming. Not that she knew how he looked coming – yet. It might be fun to find out since Kuroro wasn't around anyway… but no. Even though Kuroro never came out and said it, she knew him well enough to know by now that he was not fond of the idea of her having other lovers. It went against both his possessive nature and that sentimental, poetic side of him that she caught occasional glimpses of. Since their relationship was going well at the moment, Midoya was willing to uphold their commitment to each other, at least until their next major fall out, which probably wasn't due for another couple of years. Or was it a couple of months? Was the Mafia planning another war on Meteor City? She might have heard something like that. Well, she could always choose not to participate. Or she could choose to participate on Meteor City's side. Or she might just fight the Ryodan anyway since it is fun to do so. Ah, who would have guessed that she was a romantic at heart? Dear Kuroro must be rubbing off on her.

And speaking of Kuroro… Midoya casually glanced up and down the street, sending out her senses in search of any Ryodan members. There didn't seem to be any around, but she couldn't be absolutely certain. Though she had met most of the members before, she was only familiar with a few of them. Besides, the range of her senses was limited, so they could be watching her from a distance for all she knew. Furthermore, if they were fast enough, they could move from outside her range to inside within seconds.

"Hey," Feitan said, appearing in front of her, a large crate cradled in his arms.

Wrong. Make that 'milliseconds'.

"Hello, darling," Midoya replied. "How have you been?"

"Good. Now catch." With a casualness that failed to hint entirely at the evil he had planned, he opened the crate and threw ten giant, red-eyed, horrifying rats straight at Midoya.

The subsequent blast of Midoya's Nen destroyed the entire street.

* * *

A/N: Sorry for the slightly shorter chapter than normal. Life has gotten a lot busier for me so I don't really have time to write or edit as much as I would like to. I hope the story was still good though. It is an April Fool's fic, yes, but given the eccentric, strange and violent nature of the characters involved, I definitely could not see any kind of exchange of practical jokes that did not feature explosions, torture and a great deal of competition. I hope you found it entertaining and interesting and all that.

Also, you will note there will be no 'trivial' sections in this story. That's because I've reserved everything for a surprise at the end of the story!

Please leave a review if you have time. And, I'll see you in the next chapter!


	2. And the Bad Jokes Continue

**A/N: **As promised, here is the next story in the Series series. This story takes place at some unknown time after the events of A Series of Romantic Burning Buildings so it's not exactly a sequel. It's not going to be a very long story and the chapters might be a bit short, but hopefully it will be an entertaining and interesting to you.

By the way: Stupid me promised in previous story to inform you where this story lies in the timeline of the Series series and then forgot to do so. Stupid, stupid me. Anyway, as most of you would have guessed by now, this story lies sometime after A Series of Romantic Burning Buildings.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me.

* * *

And the Bad Jokes Continue

Shortly before the whole of Steam-Punk Street was levelled by an inexplicable gas explosion (as the York Shin news put it later), Kuroro found himself hiding in the public bathroom of the Dumaras airport.

Sitting on the toilet, Kuroro adjusted the collar of the suit he had stolen from yet another boutique and the leather shoes that had gone with it (finally, he had found a pair of socks too). In about half an hour, a blimp to York Shin would be taking off and Kuroro had every intention of being on it. Yes, he didn't have his passport with him and he didn't have time to get a fake one of any quality, but no matter; it wouldn't be difficult to sneak onto the blimp. Once on, he just needed to look like he fit in and no one would bother him. That was why he had obtained the suit; almost everyone coming and going from Dumaras was into business of some sort. The suit was a uniform that would cement his identity and allow him to blend with the crowd.

That is, if he could bear to remove his earrings. Kuroro smiled wryly at the blue gems dangling at his ears and the white bandanna wrapped around his forehead. Not quite proper business wear, but he had never liked conforming too much. It would have to do.

Once he was done primping, Kuroro stuffed the rest of his meagre belongings into the Fun Fun Cloth and stepped out of the stall. A quick glance in the mirror told him that he was as decently and as neatly dressed as a man on the run from his powerful, merciless lover's practical jokes could be. So he left the bathroom behind with the intention of sneaking onto the blimp through the cargo entrance while the passengers boarded through the proper channels.

Casually, as if he had never had a guilty thought in his life, Kuroro stepped into a group of businessmen walking past the entrance of the bathroom, making sure he was close enough to them that he looked, to an outsider, like part of the group, but far enough so the businessmen didn't become suspicious of his proximity to them. Keeping his chin held high, he followed the businessmen as they made their way towards the terminal, all the while remembering to watch out for Midoya's pranksters. At least she had made sure that the way they were dressed made it difficult for them to be subtle.

A snowy-white, brittle-thin hand with prominent blue veins touched his arm. "Excuse me, dear boy," the elderly woman the arm belonged to said in a quavering voice, "may I ask where the urgheghhh…"

One hand clamped around the bird-thin neck and one hand over her mouth, Kuroro dragged the seemingly elderly woman into a corner, loudly saying, "Yes, Granny, I'll just take you over there to have a seat. Once you've had a rest, you'll be _just fine. _Don't worry about it." Miraculously, the businessmen he had been walking with looked at him, made polite, friendly comments about what a filial grandson he was, and continued walking away, oblivious to the aged white hand waving feebly at them.

Safe in a corner, a quick examination of the now unconscious woman proved that firstly, she really was an elderly woman, secondly, she wasn't carrying a machine gun, katana or sex toy, and thirdly, her symptoms of osteoporosis were real. Half-assured that she wasn't one of Midoya's pranksters, Kuroro left her in the relative comfort of a bench and walked off quickly before anyone noticed him.

The group he had hoped to use as his cover was already long gone, so Kuroro settled for walking cautiously alone towards the terminal. A couple of steps in, he got a message from Feitan. After reading it, he couldn't help sniggering a little even as deep down inside, he wished he had been present to see Midoya react like _that_.

Unfortunately, that also reminded him that Midoya's vengeance will be swift, harsh and probably very humiliating, so it was probably time to get out of Duma. With that sobering thought in mind, he continued down the corridor at a much faster pace.

Striding past the usual shops selling travel equipment, Kuroro made his way down the escalator that led to the departure terminal. There, he made a turn, heading away from the passengers surging down to the Departure hall and moving towards an exit labelled 'Employees Only'. As he approached it, he shrugged off his blazer, leaving it to hang around his arm. Then holding his head high and walking like he owned the place, Kuroro brazenly stepped into the exit.

The moment he stepped through the gates, he stopped, dropped into a fighter's crouch and looked around carefully. As far as he could tell, there was no one in the dark, cluttered corridor he was standing in, but that didn't mean anything. There were plenty of places to hide along here: in the rooms along the corridor, behind that pile of crates, in the ventilation shaft above and so on. Besides, though the pranksters Midoya had hired were definitely no Zoldyck-level assassins, they were still well-versed enough in Nen to do a decent Zetsu. If they had managed to trail him to this airport, this would be where they would attack him, away from the employees and passengers. Unless he intended to waste his energy using Gyo down the entire corridor, he would have to proceed very, _very_ slowly.

Wishing he had his Benz with him, Kuroro slid into a loose fighting stance and slowly started to inch his way down the corridor. In his heightened state, every little creak and crackle sounded like a prankster priming a sex toy before she leapt at him. It was paranoia at its worst, making him tense and as anxious as he ever got. Thinking about how paranoid he was only made his neck itch. Touching the skin told him he had broken out in hives. It was probably the result of having rather delicate and sensitive, but he still wondered if Midoya might have poisoned the air in the airport just to get back at him. He certainly wouldn't put it past her to do something like that. It wouldn't be the worst thing she had ever done to him to date. Not even close. Not even if he restricted his remembrances to incidents that happened during sex.

Fifteen feet in, Kuroro paused. He thought he had heard something, but he wasn't sure. What with the low, constant buzz of electricity around him, and the usual creaks and groans of buildings, he couldn't really hear anything softer than a whisper. Still, he wasn't going to be careless now, not when Midoya was…

The ventilation shaft right above him opened suddenly and a rain of black, rasping, tiny things fell onto him.

Startled, Kuroro rolled forward and out of the falling pile of… His eyes widened as he stared at the three black, creepy, _eight-legged creatures on his arm_.

Later, Midoya would receive a report describing how upon realising what had fallen on him, Kuroro had stripped himself naked, shaking the spiders out of his clothes and doing a rather frantic dance with a lot of slapping and brushing motions, while muttering, "Foul, disgusting, sickening, _vile_ beasts." Kuroro will deny that till the end of his days.

After checking and rechecking that his clothes, body and hair were now spider-free, Kuroro slipped back into his clothes, shuddering as he did. His neck itched more than ever, and he knew now it wasn't paranoia at all. Just as he was buckling his belt, his phone rang.

"Midoya," he growled into the phone.

"_Kuroro!"_ she growled back, a note of hysteria in her voice. _"The rats were not funny!"_

"Neither were the spiders!" Kuroro snapped, a shiver running down his back at the memory. "They got in my _hair_! Do you know how gross that is? They were _in my hair_!"

"_I don't care! It's your fault anyway! I wasn't even going to use the spiders until you used the rats!" _Midoya gulped, sniffing loudly. _"You upset me so much I killed this really pleasant and polite young man with the cutest smile! Now he's dead, which is a horrible waste of good genes in any normal situation. In this case, to add salt to my wounds, I also destroyed this wonderful themed café that I found and now I don't have a place to read while enjoying the eye-candy anymore!"_

At that, Kuroro blinked. "Sure you do," he said, annoyed. "Whenever I visit you, you get to read in your apartment and watch me. I'm good-looking and, as a bonus, I don't like to wear shirts because I don't really like the feel of anything around my neck. How could you forget that?"

"_Well, I am sick of looking at you," _Midoya sniffled. _"I don't like people who throw rats at me at all." _

"You don't mean that," Kuroro told her, still feeling annoyed. "You're just upset because I scared you. You definitely still think I'm cute."

"_No, I don't."_

"Yes, you do."

"_Not at all." _

"Don't you remember my large, dark eyes, high cheekbones and delicate soft lips?"

"_Nope."_

"Pale, flawless skin and toned muscles?"

"_Uh uh." _

"Alright, will you remember if I give you a kiss?"

"_Um… alright." _

Kuroro made a loud, kissy noise, and added, "Feeling better?"

"_Maybe." _

"You are feeling better."

"_Tease." _

"You like it that way."

"_Only sometimes,"_ Midoya conceded, and Kuroro heard the grumpiness in her voice fade away to be replaced by grudging fondness. _"I will admit that your pranks are pretty good. I quite like the nod to Poe, even if it cut one of June's clients in half. I really don't know how to explain that to his employee, especially since I'm on the run from your Ryodan now." _

"Why thank you and I apologise for that prank in particular. I certainly didn't intend to intrude on June's life," Kuroro replied, continuing to move down the corridor (and hopefully, away from Midoya's pranksters). "I don't suppose we can just call it a draw at this and have a truce?"

"_A draw?"_ Now Midoya was laughing, an evil, wicked laugh, that was, to his dismay, disturbingly sexy. _"Dear, I've only just begun. There's still a good twelve hours left to this day. We're only just reaching the good parts." _

"Good parts?" Kuroro asked warily. "What good parts?" A turn around the corner revealed a barred door. The metal bar across the door was quickly done in by a good, hard push and the door opened to reveal the airfield.

"_Oh, you want a spoiler?"_ Midoya asked teasingly. _"Not one for surprises, dear?"_

"Not when they come from you," Kuroro replied distractedly as he peered cautiously out of the door. As far as he could see, there didn't seem to be many people around. In fact… Kuroro looked harder. There _wasn't_ anyone around. That was odd. There should be at least a mechanic or two working on the blimps or… oh no. Kuroro glanced up the glass wall that was the Departure terminal and there was no one there. A chill of dread ran down Kuroro's spine. "Midoya," he said slowly, since she hadn't replied. "What's your surprise?"

"_Alright. Firstly, you should know that as of ten minutes ago, I now own the Dumaras Airport,"_ Midoya replied cheerfully and the chill of dread turned into a full on arctic storm of horror when he realised _she was still furious with him_.

"And secondly?" Kuroro asked warily.

"_Well, do you remember I once mentioned that I lost a nuclear bomb?"_

Kuroro froze. "What about it?" he asked faintly.

"_It's still lost for one."_ Kuroro sighed with relief. _"So, I got a replacement."_ The sigh caught in his throat and he choked.

"Midoya," he snapped quickly, "a nuclear bomb is _not_ a joke!"

"_I know that," _Midoya replied with a great deal of unhealthy, maniac cheer. _"Of course I'm not using a nuclear bomb for this mission. I got something much more ah… humourous." _

"Like what?" Kuroro demanded.

"_Well, in my opinion it is the 'nuclear' in 'nuclear bomb' that makes it a horrible option for a joke."_

"And so…?"

"_So I just took it out." _

"Oh."

"_Yup. Good luck, love. Toodles." _

The phone went dead against his ear and Kuroro put it back into his pocket. Looking up into the open skies, he caught sight of a silver glint against blue – a blimp hovering over the airfield. As he watched, a hatch at the bottom of the blimp opened and…

"Oh bugger me," Kuroro groaned and dived back into the corridor just as the bomb hit ground zero.

* * *

The entire corridor was a roaring mess of fire and falling debris. Flames were gushing over his prone form, and though he was protected by his Nen, he could still feel the heat rushing over his skin, making it dry and itchy. Debris that fell through his Nen defences turned to powder, dusting his skin and clothes with a layer of fine, grey precipitate. His hairs turned frizzy and grey at the edges, his eyes were closed against the glare of the explosion, and he was thoroughly annoyed with his lover. _And_ he was also somewhat aroused, which probably said something about his relationship with Midoya. What it probably said was that she had successfully conditioned him into anticipating amazing sex after she had her fun tormenting him. He and Pavlov's dogs had too much in common.

Finally, the firestorm died down, and Kuroro sighed as he lowered his defences. For a moment, he simply laid still, staring lazily at the ground beneath him. It had been a while since he had gotten any rest, and the overheated concrete beneath him felt like heaven. Besides, the whole place was bombed to hell; surely none of Midoya's pranksters would be around? There should be time for him to just take a nap and catch his breath.

He closed his eyes and prepared to doze off. Then it occurred to him that Midoya might have acquired more than one incendiary bomb, which was entirely possible since she tended to have more back-up plans than the average paranoid, totalitarian nation, so he forced himself to climb back to his feet and survey the damage done.

A quick look around told him what he already knew: Midoya had dropped a bomb on the airport; it was beyond repair.

Well, Kuroro mused as he stared at the wreckage, to be specific, the corridor he was in had collapsed. He was now walled into a confined area with a fire in it that was eating up the oxygen. It gave him a nagging sense of déjà vu that dissolved once he remembered the last time Midoya had put him in a situation like this. Ah, how familiar. It was making him feel quite nostalgic. Good to know there was some consistency in his relationship with Midoya too. Surprises and excitement were all fine and well, but familiarity was what bred comfort and stability.

Coughing and waving his hand about in a doomed attempt to disperse the smoke around him, Kuroro approached the wall of rubble in front of him and peered at it. Another minute of careful examination finally revealed a spot he could safely knock down without burying himself. Then it was just a matter of doing like a cave man and systematically hitting the same spot until he had cleared an open path before him.

After five minutes of coughing, punching and frowning irritably at the fires burning up his oxygen, Kuroro finally stumbled out onto the airfield.

"Freedom," the rebel soul in Kuroro declared.

"Oxygen!" his lungs corrected.

"Both," Kuroro said pacifying. Then he decided that trying to solve a conflict between his mind and his lungs was just _weird_, so he stopped talking to himself. Instead, he took a good look around what was once the Dumaras Airfield but was now a mess of fires, scorched earth and burning blimps. Every living organism within the airport would be dead. It was a wonder how Midoya had managed to evacuate all the staff and passengers in the time he took to cross a corridor, but then as he had learned a long time ago, she was Efficiency embodied and it would be downright insulting to think she couldn't buy, empty and then blow up an airport within fifteen minutes.

Finally, Kuroro turned his attention to the single still functioning blimp hovering just a few feet off the ground. The doorway to the blimp was open and a familiar figure stood there, grinning widely at him. Tall, muscular, blonde and very female; Kikita Timbal never looked more like a Valkyrie than that very moment, standing tall and fierce amongst the fire and destruction. That is, if she hadn't been wearing a neon pink sports bra and bright blue spandex shorts that no self-respecting Bearer of the Dead would ever be caught in.

"Kikita," Kuroro greeted, raising his voice so she could hear him over the propellers of the blimp. "What a pleasant surprise."

Her grin widened even more, revealing whiter-than-white teeth. "Still so polite, Kuroro, but then I've always known you were a gentleman," she replied, offering him a friendly wave. "Aw, look at your clothes. They're all blown to pieces and look as shitty as hell. Midoya's pranks a little too much for you?"

"Not exactly. They just tend to involve a lot of… fires and explosions, which are generally not very good for keeping clothing and limbs in excellent shape." Eyeing her, Kuroro braved the gritty, overheated air around him and advanced towards her. No matter how much he stared at her, using Gyo or not, she looked surprisingly relaxed, uninjured and generally prank-free. "How come you aren't a victim of her jokes like Pepeka and I?" he complained. "You're her best friend, aren't you? It seems rather unfair to me that she hasn't done anything annoying and violent to you at all."

"Because I'm a much better prankster than I am a victim," Kikita replied with great simplicity. "You, sweetheart, almost ended up being recruited as one of her pranksters. Sadly enough, she decided at the last minute that she much prefers tormenting you to using you. Maybe you'll have better luck next year, though I wouldn't count on it." She laughed wickedly. "The pictures of you being attacked by the drag queens were freaking awesome."

"Next year? With things being the way they are now, I personally can't think that far ahead," Kuroro replied wryly as he finally came to within ten feet of her. The propellers whipped sand and loose debris into his skin but he ignored it. "So what are you doing, hanging around here?" he asked blandly. "I thought you would have flown away after dropping a bomb on me. Most people tend to flee after attacking the Ryodan because as most people know, we can be rather violent when we are aggravated."

"Tsk, tsk, how sensitive," Kikita teased, looking utterly unconcerned with the possibility of vengeance, Ryodan-style, and Kuroro could hear her trying to hide the laughter bubbling up her throat. "What? Can't I just like hanging around places like this?" At his raised eyebrow, she snorted laughter. "Alright, alright," she conceded, grinning. "I figured I would do you a favour."

"A favour?" Kuroro asked cautiously, having learned a long time ago that things that seem too good to be true usually are. "Whatever for?"

"You forgot? Aw man, I should just have let it be then." Kikita laughed. "I told you I owed you a favour for getting rid of Decimal and Basilio, didn't I? Well, I'm repaying it now."

"How?" Kuroro demanded, paranoia vying with hope.

"By giving you a lift of course," she replied, pointing a thumb at the blimp. "A free ride to York Shin, prank-free. On my word."

Kuroro hesitated. "That's Midoya's blimp," he noted. "I recognise it."

"Yeah, so what?"

"It's Midoya's property. You know Midoya? First name 'Midoya', last name 'Kito', middle name 'Devil? The same one _playing violent practical jokes on me?"_

"Yeah, but I'm the pilot here," Kikita replied, looking slightly annoyed. "Midoya's nowhere near Dumaras, much less this blimp. There's also no one else on the blimp but me, and I'm a helluva lot better pilot than that bitch. You're safe."

"Yes, I know," Kuroro said insistently. "But it's _her_ blimp. She knows everything about it. Her technicians are the ones who service it; her designers are the ones who designed it; her furnishers are the ones who furnished it."

"So?" Kikita demanded, crossing her arms. "What about it?"

"So what makes you think she hasn't booby-trapped the blimp?" Kuroro pointed out with indisputable reason.

Kikita's mouth opened to protest then closed almost immediately. A look of consternation and annoyance flittered across her face. "If that woman put me in danger just to mess with her boy-toy, I'm going to be seriously pissed," she muttered. "But," she continued in a louder voice, "on the bright side, nothing has exploded on the blimp so far."

"So far."

"So maybe it's not booby-trapped," Kikita said hopefully. Kuroro gave her a look and she grinned sheepishly. "Come on," she said coaxingly. "What's life if not lived dangerously?"

"Still existing," Kuroro sighed but stepped towards the blimp anyway. "Just so you know, if something _does_ happen, I am putting all the blame on you."

* * *

Two hours into the flight, Kuroro turned to Kikita and said severely, "This is all your fault."

* * *

Dust was still settling on Steam-punk Street when Midoya, torn, ragged and from the memory of the _rodents_, darted into a bank owned by the Perz family. Given how the Kito family and the Perz family were pretty much rivals in the Frozen Desserts industries, this was probably not the best move to make but she needed to get out of sight and this building was the nearest one she could find once she got off the street once known as Steam-punk.

Yanking the aviator goggles off her face, Midoya retreated to a corner of the large lobby, only too conscious of how out of place she looked with her brown leather corset, short leather skirt, brown leather hood and boots. Fortunately, with so many people filing in and out of the lobby, no one had taken notice of her just yet. So, swaggering as if she owned the place, she strode into a phone booth, turned her back on the crowd, and drew in a quavering breath.

Then she started to think.

Well, she certainly hadn't expected the rats, but that was oversight on her part. Kuroro _was_ a criminal mastermind and part of the reason he was so bloody good at what he did was because he knew exactly how to find his enemy's weaknesses and how best to make use of them. Using Feitan, the fastest person any of them knew, to deliver the… the _package_ was pure genius on his part. The deceptively diminutive man could enter and leave the field of her senses faster than she could react, especially if she wasn't really paying attention (which was more often than she cared to admit). She really needed to learn not to underestimate the Ryodan. Sure, they might not be as super-intelligent, super-calm and super-handsome like her Kuroro, but they were all powerful Nen-users in their own right. Even with just the briefest, barest instructions from their Dancho, they could carry out complicated missions quite successfully.

She plucked long, coarse _fur_ off her arm and tried not to whimper as she tossed them quickly onto the floor.

No matter; she wasn't going to make the same mistake again. No matter how cute and adorable the Spiders were, they were dangerous and she was not going to forget that. From here on, she was going to act as if the entire city was enemy territory and she, a lone guerrilla warrior fighting for freedom, love and peace. Ah, that brought back memories from the war against the _Itchinosis_ people in Northern Withe, except that then she was fighting a war only because Netero had forced her into it. Oh, she did miss that dear old man. After he was gone, no one had dared push her around anymore. Not even the Zodiacs paid her much attention, especially now that Pariston and Ging were no longer part of the group. The only exception to the rule was Kuroro of course, who took every opportunity to challenge her, whether when discussing philosophy or planning a prank war against each other. Maybe that was why she liked him so much; because his refusal to be intimidated by her reminded her of Netero.

Goodness, how disturbingly Freudian this whole thing was.

"Hey! Anyone in?"

The loud shout caught her attention and Midoya peeked out of the phone booth in its direction. A queue had formed at the lobby counter, and the man in the front of the long line of people was looking around impatiently.

"Where's the receptionist?" he shouted, pounding the counter with a heavy fist. "Is this any way to treat your clients, damn it! I have a meeting in an hour and I need to get things done _now_. What is wrong with you people?" Parts of the queue joined in by growling their approval.

No receptionist? Having just decided to be best friends with Paranoia, Midoya looked around the lobby carefully. Immediately, everything about this situation looked wrong. Not only were there no receptionists at the counter, there were no security guards, no sanitation workers and no bankers walking around. In short, all the people who should be working in this building were missing. The only people in the lobby were clients and her.

Paranoia, Apprehension and Distrust joined hands to point out how _wrong_ this was and Midoya couldn't help agreeing. Even if this wasn't one of the Ryodan's pranks, and it was possible given that this was a mafia-owned bank, something bad was going down and she certainly didn't want to be here when it did.

Keeping her head down, Midoya swivelled around and headed quickly for the exit. Just as she reached the glass doors, the emergency shutters slammed down, sealing her and everyone else in.

Gulp, Midoya thought, as confused whispered filled the lobby. Anyone who banked with the Perz family was probably mafia and they all knew what the shutters meant.

"What's happening?" someone shouted.

"What's going on?" someone else shouted.

Alright, so maybe not everyone knew what the shutters meant, but that only made things worse. A riot was definitely brewing in the confines of the lobby. Double gulp, Midoya decided, and retreated quickly back to her corner as panic started to fill the lobby. It really wouldn't do for her to be caught up in the mob; they'll end up tearing the first scapegoat they could find to pieces. Besides, it wouldn't be safe for them if she stayed here, what with the Ryodan after her. Not that she cared what happened to people who banked with the Perz family instead of the Kito family, but still…

Spotting a door near her corner marked 'Employees Only', Midoya quietly sidled up to it and slipped inside. In the darkness of the empty corridor, her foot stepped on something squishy, wet and warm. Midoya had excellent night-vision and could clearly see what she had just stepped in. It seemed she was going to have to get rid of her boots because they had just located the security guards and the receptionists – what was left of them that is.

"Well done," she told her boots, added a polite "excuse me" to the recently-located staff, and continued down the corridor. She was almost at the end when an explosion roared up behind her. If she was to make a guess, she would think that the panicked mob was now effectively the dead mob. "Rest in peace or just rest in many pieces, whichever suits you best," she muttered and opened the door at the other end of the corridor.

A flight of stairs, seemingly leading to infinity, greeted her. Her legs fairly groaned in protest at the sight, but she set herself upon the task anyway. There was no going back the way she had come after all; it would just be a lot of fire, smoke and body parts, all likely contained within a death trap of gasses and flames given her luck today.

So, cautiously, Midoya started to climb the stairs, actively scanning ahead and below. If the Ryodan was going to launch an attack on her, this would be the place to do it. The space was constrained, filled with blind-spots and generally ideal for an ambush.

Hence, when the attack came, it was hardly unexpected.

Midoya estimated she was probably ten stories or so up when she felt Machi's Nen flare up behind her. Spinning around quickly, she caught sight of Machi bounding up the stairs, Nen threads flashing in the dim stairwell like spider webs. Even though Midoya had been aware that as a Ryodan member, Machi must be an excellent fighter and a skilled thief, her past encounters with her had lured her into thinking that the pretty Ryodan member was more a healer than a killer.

Could anyone be more wrong than that?

Midoya barely managed to raise her arms in front of her face before Machi's fist met her flesh with a resounding _thud_. "Ouch!" Midoya protested, surprised by the power behind those slim arms, and lashed out with a swift kick to Machi's torso. Machi twisted, absorbing the impact of the blow and swinging her other fist at the same time. It was fortunate Midoya was already using Gyo or she wouldn't have seen the threads that came with the blow, whipping around to wrap around her. "Ying!" she snapped and turned into a white mist, just as the threads closed in around her.

"Cheater, cheater," Machi scolded with a smirk as Midoya surged upwards, landing on the flight of stairs above, before returning to human form.

"That's my middle name," Midoya quipped and turned to flee. The confined conditions favoured Machi's threads more than her own powers. Yang was no good here because it would probably cause the stairs to collapse, and Ying was out unless she seriously intended to permanently maim or kill the Ryodan member. So fleeing it was then and there was no dishonour in that. Was it not Confucius who said that of the thirty-six tactics of war, fleeing is the wisest?

A second presence flared up below her and Midoya recognised it as a Ryodan member's. She could place it to the vague memory of a face covered largely with green hair, but couldn't for the love of all things precious remember the name. It was entirely possible she had never been actually introduced to this Ryodan member. After all, the Spiders, unlike politicians and mafia dons, did not do polite social etiquette at all.

Then a third presence made itself known _above_ her. This she recognised: Phinx. Ah, not good. Phinx was a true-blue fighter, definitely one of the heavy-hitters in the Ryodan, and being the Reinforcement Type, bloody good at close combat. It really wouldn't be smart to engage him at all.

So instead of slowing down and allowing the Ryodan members to pincer her, Midoya sped up, pushing her speed to its limits as she sprinted up the stairs.

"Hi!" she exclaimed when she caught sight of a mildly surprised Phinx who evidently hadn't expected to run into her so quickly. "And now bye!" Before he could react, she leapt smoothly over his head and continued running.

"Hey!" Phinx protested angrily and turned to chase her. "Come back, you lousy cheater!"

"Middle name!" Midoya laughed over her shoulder and continued upwards.

The next thing she knew, Feitan was right in front of her, umbrella out and ready. "Hey," he greeted casually and opened his umbrella.

Midoya screeched to a stop inches of it. "You really need to stop doing that," she gasped then dropped quickly onto her stomach when the tip of his umbrella shot out with a loud _twang_. Gaping, Midoya glanced over her shoulder at the projectile, which was now half-buried in a wall. "Wow," she said, impressed. "Nice one."

"Thanks," Feitan replied, looking pleased, before leaping over his umbrella, katana pointed down at her.

Hoping against hope that his umbrella was now a normal, decidedly non-lethal item that wouldn't hurt her if she touched it, Midoya shoved it out of the way and leapt forward, barely avoiding his sword. If he had been serious, he probably would have at least injured her. As it was, he merely drew a thin cut in the leather hood she was wearing. He chuckled and swept his katana at her, taking off a tiny piece of her sleeve. It made Midoya feel like a mouse being toyed with by a playful cat.

Mice. Ew, how _gross_.

"Oh, no! Not my outfit!" Midoya squeaked, scrambling up the stairs. "It's expensive and irreplaceable now that I've blown up Steam-punk Street!"

"Awww," Feitan said sarcastically and swiped his katana lazily at her again. "I will so definitely cry if you have to go a _day_ without your precious leather skirts."

"See how you feel if I ruin your precious cape," Midoya muttered as she dodged under another lightning-swift blow.

"He already knows. Feitan ruins his cape every time he gets angry and uses his super-duper secret power," Shizuku said next to her.

"I see. How interesting," Midoya replied politely then dropped onto her stomach again just as the materialised vacuum cleaner swung around in a powerful blow that would have taken off her head.

Now there were five Ryodan members attacking her on the stairs. That was five more than Midoya liked. It was incredibly crowded, almost claustrophobically so, and, unless everyone decided to forget Kuroro's orders, strip and have an orgy, it was definitely time to leave.

Making a feint to the right, Midoya danced around Shizuku and Phinx, who had caught up with them, and darted out the exit. A brief glance at the sign told her she was now on level twenty-seven, possibly near the roof if she guessed right.

The Ryodan members were still behind the door to the staircase so Midoya quickly went into Zetsu and slipped through the third nearest office door she saw. Just as she did, the door to the staircase slammed open and she felt Phinx and Shizuku step through, Machi and the nameless Ryodan member she had named 'Cousin It' close behind. She felt their presences stop at the exit. From the way they weren't chasing after her immediately, she guessed that they didn't know exactly where she was now, which was just how she liked it.

On the off chance that one of them was an _En_ expert like old man Zoldyck, Midoya decided to get out of the building quick. For that purpose, she silently glided to the window and tried it. Unfortunately, the window was one of those safety ones so often found on the higher floors of high-rise buildings, and was covered by shutters locked with a key. Obviously the Perz family took the safety of their employees very seriously.

Screw those inbred, moralistic bastards.

Pausing, Midoya closed her eyes and listened carefully. Though the Ryodan members had gone into Zetsu, she could still hear the sound of them moving down the corridor. If she hadn't undergone Netero's intensive sensory training, she never would have caught it. As it was, she could hear them searching the first two offices she had skipped. Fortune was on her side; they were obviously very wary of her because they were doing their search very slowly and very carefully. That gave her more time to do what was needed.

Midoya removed the pearl earring June had been wearing as quickly as she could without tearing her ear-hole wide open. The pearl was expensive so Midoya put it into her pocket. The wire that made up the hoop was also expensive, being made out of silver, but Midoya needed it now so she ripped it off the pearl and started to twist it until it was the shape she wanted.

With firm and steady hands, she gave the lock on the window a cursory pass-over before starting to prod its insides. As she did, she kept one ear open for the sounds the Ryodan members were making. They were good, stealthy and silent, and their Zetsus were perfect. If she hadn't known they were behind her, she would never have guessed there were four full-sized adults moving about outside. But since she knew what she was looking for, she could hear that two people were in the corridor and two people in the second office. They were almost done with it too. She had maybe fifteen seconds before they came into the office and found her crouched by the window. Honestly, she had no idea what they would do to her, but given that she had dropped a bomb on their Dancho… well, whatever they had planned, it certainly wouldn't be very friendly or polite or pleasant.

Ironically, the urgency of the situation made her feel calmer and she worked the lock steadily if swiftly.

A click and the shutters opened. Now came the difficult part. Even though she had unlocked the shutters, the window only opened a couple inches or so, barely enough for her to squeeze through. What she had to do now was use her Nen. Her presence was going to flare up on their radar like a beacon in the night so she had to be prepared to…

Abruptly, the door opened and Phinx stepped in. His eyes locked onto hers and started to widen in surprise.

"Begone foul beast, lest I slay thee why thou standth and mocketh thy stinking carcass!" Midoya cried, and flung a cheap wooden table at him.

"Huh?" Phinx questioned blankly as the table bounced harmlessly off his forehead.

Laughing breathlessly, Midoya activated her Ying form and threw herself out of the window. Behind her, she heard Phinx's voice rise to alert his comrades, but she was already on the outside of the building and scaling down the sides like a puff of smoke, albeit very fast-moving smoke.

Suddenly, Mummy-guy was racing along beside her, his bandages trailing behind him as he matched her pace for pace, body twisting gracefully and emitting a strangely melodious sound. Midoya turned to look at him, though he wouldn't be able to tell with the form she was in, and wondered just what he thought he was doing engaging her in this form.

Then Mummy-guy spun around in a graceful arc and declared, "Battle Cantabile: the Jupiter."

As Midoya stared at the miniature Jupiter rushing at her, it occurred to her that after having seen her fight in her Ying form so many times, Kuroro had probably figured out by now that while it was an excellent technique against physical attacks which couldn't harm it, it was still vulnerable to Nen attacks.

And he had told his Ryodan.

Oh dearie.

Turning back into human form, Midoya threw herself forward, using gravity to give her an extra burst of speed. It was just enough for her to escape the attack which swooped along the side of the building, cracking concrete and shattering glass, before exploding some two miles away. "I hate geniuses," Midoya sighed as Mummy-guy came up behind her. "On that note," she added much more politely, "I don't believe we have been officially introduced. Hello, I'm Midoya."

"I know," Mummy-guy replied simply, "and it has taken you months to ask for my name."

"I'm shy," Midoya said sheepishly, "and you must admit, you are a very quiet man whom I've only met once before. And there are so many Ryodan members I have difficulty keeping track of all of you. You tend to change members quite often too, if I'm not mistaken. And you dress like a mummy. I'm scared of mummies."

Mummy-guy nodded as if her explanation was adequate. It almost made Midoya feel a little bit guilty about lying. Almost. Thank the heavens she was so shameless. "I am Bonolenov," he said. "It is a pleasure finally speaking with you, Miss Kito."

"Midoya is fine, and you're sweet." Midoya beamed. "Are you a dancer? Your movements remind me of dancing. They are very graceful and delightful to watch."

The large, protruding eyes blinked. "Why yes," Bonolenov said, sounding pleased, "I am a dancer. I am from the Gyudondond tribe, and the warriors of my tribe always dance before combat."

"To evoke the spirit of war and pray for fortune?"

"Why, yes. That is so. I am impressed. Not many people recognise or understand that."

"Ah, that's because I have heard of your esteemed tribe before. I thought I recognised the holes in your body and the sounds they are making," Midoya replied. "How nice it is that you are a dancer. I do enjoy a little shuffle or two once in a while, but I must confess that my dancing skills will never match up to that of a Gyudondond warrior's. Still, perhaps you would do me the honour of sharing a dance floor with me on occasion."

Bonolenov nodded gravely. "It will be my pleasure," he said with a slight smile. "This has turned out to be a surprisingly pleasant conversation. Unfortunately, I am under orders from Dancho, and I fear that our brief respite must come to an end. I wish you good luck, Midoya."

"You too," Midoya replied sincerely since he _was_ a surprisingly polite and amiable man, and jumped away when he pounced on her, his body now dressed in the outfit of a tribal warrior.

Deciding that fighting this charming tribal warrior who could Conjure up weapons that were effective against both her Yang and Ying forms was not going to work out in her favour, Midoya started to draw away from him, directing herself so she was running away from him and down at the same time. As expected, he came after her, still dancing and making that lovely melody as he did. And goodness, was he fast too. She was just lucky…

Midoya paused in mid-thought even as she continued moving down the sides of the building. This Gyudondond warrior wasn't putting his all into chasing her. Well, none of them were, of course, since that wasn't the point of the game. But then, the question was, what was the point of _this _game? The prank of course. What was the prank then? Killing her wouldn't be much of a prank. Yet, they were still running after her, chasing her around like she was…

Sheep.

Oh dear. They were _herding_ her. That was not good because in all probability… running down the sides of a building, the flat, open side of a building with nowhere to hide… she was probably _right where they wanted her_.

Her eyes snapped back towards Bonolenov, just in time to see him disappearing around the other side of the building. His eyes met hers just before he vanished, and he offered her a smile, a kind, pitying smile.

Then, she barely had time to think 'Oh shit' before fifty gallons of boiling oil gushed down the side of the building and over her.

* * *

Kuroro was lying flat on his face, staring up at clear blue skies and the sun which was burning the skin off his face when the call came. Sighing, Kuroro spent ten seconds trying to convince his sore arms that it was to his benefit to pick up the call. Before he could succeed, his phone stopped ringing. Then it started again.

Murmuring sleepily, Kuroro finally got his fingers to move. "Hello," he mumbled into the phone.

"_Hi Dancho!"_ Shalnark chirped. _"Did I wake you up? Sorry about that." _

"It's fine," Kuroro sighed. "Report."

"_We poured hot oil on Kito while she was trying escape down the side of the Perz bank. Uh… we may have gone too far. We couldn't locate her… or her body after." _

"And?"

"_And… she might be dead?" _

Kuroro yawned. "Don't be silly, Shal," he mumbled, "Midoya wouldn't die just because you poured boiling oil on her. She probably managed to escape without any of you noticing because she is exceptionally good at doing under-handed, sneaky stuff. Please locate her before you lose her completely."

"_Yeah, okay. You're right." _Shalnark paused. _"How are you faring, Dancho? Where are you now?" _

"Um…" Kuroro forced his neck to move so he could raise his head and look around. "I'm on the Liatanct Ocean."

"_What? You're 'on' the ocean? Sorry, don't you mean you're 'over' the Liatanct Ocean?"_

Kuroro looked around again for confirmation. "Well, no. I am technically _on_ the ocean since I managed to find an intact inflatable raft on the burning remains of the blimp."

"_Ah."_

"Yes. It's a very nice raft. Very inflated and all that."

"_Uh huh." _

"Entirely unlike the blimp which is definitely no longer inflated."

"_Yeah. Dare I ask?" _

"The blimp I was on… exploded," Kuroro said, since that was basically what happened. A much longer explanation would have to explain that there were a lot of confetti involved, and lizards, and a pretty young woman dressed as a pirate, and flowers. A lot of flowers. any rate, having to describe all that seemed far too exhausting to Kuroro, especially when what happened could technically be summarised as 'an explosion'. Technically. "Kikita and I made it out alive." He paused. "I did mention I'm with Kikita? No matter, we are in an inflatable raft, slowly making our way towards the Yorbian continent. It shouldn't be too hard to get back to York Shin from there. Well, when I say we are in the raft, I meant _I_ am in the raft while Kikita…" He glanced over the sides of the bright yellow raft at the powerful figure swimming effortlessly through the water, a machete in one hand and a spear in the other "is fishing for food."

"_Oh_._ You will be fine?" _

"Yeah." Kuroro finally forced himself to sit up. "Not even Midoya's pranksters can locate us out here. I haven't had such a good nap in over fifteen hours. I feel quite refreshed as a matter of fact, even if I'm suffering from the worst sunburn I've had since the time I sailed to Greed Island."

"_Okay. Great! I'll call you back when I have other news. If we find Kito, shall we initiate the next mission as planned?"_

"Go ahead."

"_Got it! See you in York Shin!"_

"Mmm." The phone went dead against his ear so Kuroro carefully put it away, just as Kikita reappeared at the side of the raft, dragging a dead grouper behind her. "Kikita," he greeted, eyeing the fish. "I would ask you if that's for lunch, but given the size of it, I would guess that it is lunch, dinner and breakfast for the next three days."

Kikita blinked and regarded the fish behind her. "It _is_ kinda big, huh," she commented. "Well, it was the only edible species I saw around so…" With a shrug, she climbed back into the raft expertly, hardly rocking the flimsy boat as she did.

"And how do you intend to cook it without a fire?" Kuroro asked curiously.

"How do _we_ intend to cook it, you mean," Kikita corrected. "With Nen of course."

"Nen?" Kuroro watched curiously as Kikita started to hack off part of the dead fish.

"Yeah, it's something Midoya came up with actually," Kikita explained. "We were trapped on Mount Hiyu once. Ever been there? It's snow, ice, snow, ice and then more snow and ice. Anyway, we were trapped and had no way of building a fire or anything like that. We weren't so afraid of freezing to death since using _Ren _every couple of minutes warmed us up pretty good, especially if we cuddled together. However, though we managed to hunt a deer to eat, we didn't have a way of cooking it, and you know eating unprepared raw meat isn't the best thing to do."

"Indeed, it isn't," Kuroro agreed.

"Well, Midoya being the Nen-master that she is figured that if we could use Nen to warm ourselves, we could probably use Nen to cook the meat." With a soft grunt, Kikita heaved the large chunk of meat she had hacked off into the raft. "That fucking genius even managed to come up with a technique that is really easy to use," she beamed. "It's quite a simple combination of _Shu_ and _Kou_. Stuff Nen into the meat and then turn it up using _Kou_. Easy as that."

"Oh," Kuroro said interestedly. "That's a very useful trick to know."

"Yeah, it takes a lot longer to cook the meat than a fire, but hey, it works well in a pinch and it gets the job done. Ain't no question about that."

"A most satisfactory result," Kuroro agreed as he held up his hands like Kikita, holding them carefully over the meat. "Like this?"

"Yup," Kikita said. "Now _Shu_ then… _Kou_."

"Oh," Kuroro said, surprised but pleased, when the meat started to steam almost immediately. "This really isn't too difficult."

"Yeah, it isn't." Kikita beamed. "This is how I cook dinner when I'm on duty. John and I generally alternate cooking duties."

"An exemplary division of work." Kuroro looked around at the clear, warm waters of the Liatanct Ocean. "We should boil some water too. We can collect the condensation and drink that, and use the salt to season the fish. If we had some butter, lemon juice, paprika, pepper and garlic, I could whip up quite a delicious broiled grouper, but since we don't, we'll just have to make do with salt."

Kikita frowned, mumbled, "And can cook too. No wonder that woman kept him for so long," but didn't elaborate when Kuroro looked at her questioningly. "Anyway," she said instead, "we should be in York Shin within four hours. That leaves you with maybe… five hours left to be pranked by Midoya. Good luck there, dude."

"Thank you," Kuroro started to say but something past the tall blonde in front of him caught his attention. Drawn by his gaze, Kikita turned to look as well – and stared, because behind her, peeking out of the water like a curious sea creature, was a periscope.

As they stared at it, it swivelled towards them with a couple of squeaks. Then, with a few more creaks, it hesitantly descended below water level. Though there was no sound, Kuroro got the sense of something enormous rising up from below. His intuition proved right when shortly after, a submarine broke the water surface with a massive splash.

"Humph," Kikita commented, her eyes narrowed, when the inflatable raft landed neatly on top of the submarine.

"Midoya's reach is far and wide," Kuroro sighed resignedly. "No wonder some people describe her as 'omniscient'."

Before Kikita could reply, a hatch opened and a familiar male face popped up. Grinning widely, he pointed a finger straight at them, and, in a bright voice declared, "There she blows!"

"What?" Kikita demanded. "Did he just make a sexist joke or did he just call me a whale?"

"Neither," Kuroro advised. "It's just Bad-Movie-Quotes Guy."

"Jeremy," Bad-Movie-Quotes Guy corrected. "I've got a message from Ms Kito."

"If it's another _Casablanca_ quote, I'll skewer you with the spine of the giant fish attached to my raft," Kuroro warned him.

Bad-Movie-Quotes Guy grinned unrepentantly. "Ms Kito wants me to tell Ms Timbal that she can rest assured she wouldn't be the target of any more pranks. As long as she's not within the vicinity when Mr Lucifer is targeted, she probably wouldn't suffer any other ill effects from Ms Kito's endeavours."

"Cool!" Kikita exclaimed, climbing out of the raft immediately. "Alright, you're on your own, Kuroro. Sorry, babes, but I really, really don't want to be the target of Midoya's pranks. I like my dignity the way it is now: still existing."

"Traitor," Kuroro complained mournfully but didn't begrudge her too much. If he had the choice, he would get out of this immediately too. "And? What happens now, Mr Quotes?"

Bad-Movie-Quotes Guy laughed. "Ms Kito would advise you to board the submarine. We'll take you back to York Shin. Of course, it need not be said that the pranks will continue as and when she orders it, even if we're two hundred feet below sea level."

"I've rather stay with my inflatable raft." Unfortunately, a bullet shot by an inconvenient sniper put an end to that plan so Kuroro sighed and climbed out of the deflating raft. Eyeing the grinning young man, he asked, "Do you really think it is safe to play tricks on a powerful Nen-user in a pressurised container under the sea?"

"Not at all!" the young man replied with maniac, reckless cheer. "Nevertheless, if Ms Kito orders it, it will be done because I work for her."

Kuroro's eyebrow went up. "And you work for her as…?"

"Butler Intern," Bad-Movie-Quotes Guy replied easily. "It may seem difficult but it's a hell lot easier than being a Zoldyck Butler, believe me. At least I am mostly assured of a good pension and healthcare package. And no one tries to poison me or sacrifice me to the crazy little girl living in the basement."

"A fantastic life," Kuroro sighed and started to make his way carefully across the submarine. Soon enough, he reached the hatch that led into the insides. Kikita had already vanished below as had the young man, which was just as well since the hatch was only big enough for one person. With just as much caution, Kuroro grabbed the wet edge of the hatch and stepped onto the first rung of the ladder.

Suddenly, someone grabbed his leg and yanked _hard_.

With swift reflexes, Kuroro grabbed on to the edge of the hatch, only to realise that the shine he had taken to be water wasn't water: it was some kind of oil.

And the last thought on his mind before he lost his grip was how this was possibly her most harmless and most annoying prank to date.

* * *

**A/N: **And that's the second chapter! Probably only one more chapter left to this story. Sorry I took so long to come out with this. This fic was supposed to be out by the first of April in its entirety and it's now… not the first of April. Well, life interferes with fantasy, and all that rubbish. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it! Remember to leave a review if you can!


	3. The End of the Jokes

**A/N: **As promised, here is the next story in the Series series. This story takes place at some unknown time after the events of A Series of Romantic Burning Buildings so it's not exactly a sequel. It's not going to be a very long story and the chapters might be a bit short, but hopefully it will be an entertaining and interesting to you.

By the way: Stupid me promised in previous story to inform you where this story lies in the timeline of the Series series and then forgot to do so. Stupid, stupid me. Anyway, as most of you would have guessed by now, this story lies sometime after A Series of Romantic Burning Buildings.

Hunter X Hunter does not belong to me.

* * *

The End of the Jokes

Her hair was oily and pasted to her scalp, her skin was red and peeling in some areas, her makeup had washed off, her outfit was thoroughly ruined, and her dignity lay in shreds at her feet.

All in a day's work for Midoya June Kito, honourary Mafioso, blacklist hunter and lover of Kuroro Lucifer, Dancho of the Genei Ryoadn.

Midoya sighed as she sat on a curb in Goddess Park, leaning back to stare at the late afternoon sky while she enjoyed the sensation of her epidermis sloughing off. Well, well, she probably should have expected that. It wasn't like she didn't know how swift the Ryodan vengeance would be, or how brutal. Nor was she under the illusion that they were unfamiliar with medieval warfare and torture devices. It probably hadn't been a good idea exposing Kuroro to all those medieval period movies and fantasy movies that had been quite the craze just a few months back. She should have realised something was not quite right about the way he had shown an inordinate interest in the scene where that pretty young lady was accused of being a witch and then tortured quite graphically till she confessed. But then, she had to admit that she had been pretty interested too; what movies lacked in practicality, they more than made up for with creativity. Half her brilliant ideas were inspired by really bad movies.

The gentle chiming of the clock in Goddess Park shook her out of her thoughts and Midoya glanced at it. It was now exactly six in the afternoon. There were six hours left to this happy, entertaining, humiliating day. She had contacted the pranksters attacking Pepeka a few minutes ago. So far so good; they lost him a couple of times in the World Tree Town, but they found him soon after. That boy was getting good; next year, she would have to up the standards and prank him more seriously. Hah, serious practical jokes; a true paradox, that one.

Her phone rang.

"Hello. Midoya speaking," she greeted though she knew who the caller was from the Caller ID.

"_I'm covered in olive oil,"_ Kuroro declared solemnly.

"Mmm. Yummy," Midoya replied sincerely because the image of Kuroro covered in olive oil was a genuinely delightful one. "Don't be too sad dear. It's supposed to be really good for moisturising your skin."

"_Oh, that's good then because I have quite a thick layer on me now, including my hair," _Kuroro retorted, his voice filled with dry wit. _"In spite of its various skin care properties, I would have much preferred it if I didn't smell so much like pasta." _

"Why would you say that? Pasta is yummy," Midoya laughed. "So you really fell off the ladder?"

"_Into the puddle of olive oil below, yes,"_ Kuroro confirmed, and now he sounded slightly exasperated. _"It's in my clothes too. This is the third set of clothing you have ruined in this day alone. I'm just so glad I usually choose to steal my clothes instead of paying for them." _

"Then I guess it is time to acquire the fourth outfit of the day," Midoya said, still laughing. "Jeremy is about the same size as you and I'm sure he has a spare outfit somewhere. You could ask him for it. Alternatively, if it makes you feel better, you could simply take it without his permission. Nothing like a little petty theft to perk up your day, isn't that right, dear?"

"_Midoya, given the state of affairs between us at the moment, do you think I would feel safe wearing the clothes of your employees? It will likely be lined liberally with itching powder."_

"Itching powder? No, of course not, dear. How could you think that of me?" Midoya chuckled. "Itching powder is _so_ last season. If you had taken Jeremy's clothes, you would have found your skin turning purple."

"_Purple."_

"You like purple, don't you?"

"_I like blue and black, Midoya. Like the colour of bruises." _

"Bruises can be purple too, darling. I've dealt out a few that have definitely been more purple than blue. Also, they turn brown and yellow after a while."

"_Fascinating. Unfortunately, I much prefer fresh bruises – especially on people who irritate me." _

Midoya laughed out loud at that and she heard him sigh with irritation. "Six hours left," she said, smiling fondly. "Do you think you can hold up?"

"_Do you?"_ Now she could hear the smile in his voice. _"Goddess Park is such an open and wide area after all, perfect for an ambush or two." _

"Ah, that is my cue to get out of here." Wearily, Midoya climbed to her feet, feeling the burned skin on her body stretch uncomfortably as she did. "Will you be gentle on me this time?" she asked, injecting all the innocence and vulnerability she could reasonably fake into her voice. "I am such a delicate young lady after all."

Kuroro snorted over the phone, demonstrating a regrettable immunity to delicate young ladies. _"I wish you the worst of luck, dear."_

"You too, darling," Midoya replied affectionately and gave him a kiss over the phone. He returned it with a much larger dose of sarcasm but also with an ease that would have surprised her if she hadn't found out just a few months back that he was, in his own cold, violent and inimitable way, a surprisingly demonstrative man. After all, none of her other boyfriends had _ever_ blown up her brothels in an attempt to prove how much they wanted to be with her. Even if it had cost her a tiny fortune in construction fees, Midoya still had difficulty getting over what a sweet gesture it was. And by sweet, she of course meant 'sweet' in the Ryodan way – which, while not quite what romantic movies recommend, just made her feel extra tingly inside.

In the meantime, Kuroro had already hung up on her. Given how he had been polite enough to warn her of incoming danger, she should probably get out of this place while she still can. The question of course, was where she should go to. It was pointless running blindly from the Ryodan into any old building, as the incident at the Perz bank showed. Furthermore, her options were limited by the time of the day and her… (Midoya glanced at the pieces of cloth stuck to her skin) outfit.

Alright, first thing's first: time to do like a Spider and steal some clothes.

That was easy. There was a boutique just down the road that sold the loveliest dresses. It was small, yes, but the merchandise was handmade with the finest silk from the Pakodian continent. The style was exactly what she liked too: minimalist, classy and elegant. The couple who ran the store and made the clothes were just the sweetest elderly pair too. Come to think of it, it would be quite rude to give them such a shock. They had run their business for well over five decades by now, and this would be the first time their shop got burgled. Now the thought of stealing from them made her feel guilty. She supposed she would have to give them a pay-rise to make up for it.

She had mentioned that she owned the boutique right?

Whistling, Midoya set off down the road, strolling along as if she didn't look like she had just walked off the set of a hard core porn flick. Though her body language was relaxed and nonchalant, she had her senses spread as far as they will go. It might be a useless gesture since Feitan had already proved that he could enter her range before she even registered him, but it was better than nothing. Not _all_ the Ryodan members were faster than her, right? One can always hope.

A presence flittered across her radar so lightly she wouldn't have noticed it if it weren't familiar.

Schooling her face and body into blankness, Midoya cautiously prodded at the presence with her senses. That was Nobunaga, was it not? Along with Machi and Shalnark, he was one of the Ryodan members she was most on friendly terms with. She also liked him a lot, primarily because his antics annoyed the hell out of Kuroro and it was always amusing watching Kuroro put on his Dancho-mask and pretend to not be exasperated.

The question now was whether he had meant for her to feel his presence or not (thank you, Paranoia). Sure, Nobunaga was… not necessarily the brightest bulb in the room, but he was still a Ryodan member. Could he possibly be dumb enough to accidentally reveal his presence to an enemy?

Of course not. In her mind, she heard Kuroro's voice tell her to stop being ridiculously optimistic, and she smiled.

"Excellent advice, imaginary-Kuroro," she declared.

"Of course it is. Now stop talking to yourself. You look crazy enough as it is. The last thing you want is someone calling the mental ward on you," imaginary-Kuroro replied.

Since that too was good advice, Midoya nodded in understanding and turned back to her current problem. Well now, what was she to do? As the last incident demonstrated, running from the Ryodan was liable to leave her half-naked, oiled, scalded and suffering from a gnawing loss of dignity (just like some of her more adventurous sexual escapades). Besides, truthfully, she didn't think she was capable of escaping the Ryodan successfully. There _were_ ten of them after all (assuming Kuroro hadn't found other replacements), and only one of her. And they were the Genei Ryodan. Enough said.

But then, that she was screwing the Dancho of said group meant that she did have a definite advantage.

Still whistling, Midoya turned in a sharp semi-circle and walked straight for where she had felt Nobunaga's Nen. Immediately, his Nen flared up again, almost as if in warning, but Midoya sensed just the slightest tinge of uncertainty and nervousness in it.

A smile, wide and evil, spread over her face as she neared the corner he was hiding behind. Evidently having figured out that she had him figured out, Nobunaga stepped out to meet her, his face mostly blank except for the nervous twitch in his eyebrow.

"Hey," he said awkwardly, waving at her.

"Hello Nobunaga," Midoya greeted brightly then pulled the remains of her top up. "Surprise!"

"Argaghhhhh!" Nobunaga replied, or something of that sort, and clamped his hands over his eyes reflexively.

Taking advantage of his reaction (which she had anticipated), Midoya leapt past him immediately. His arm shot out quickly to stop her and Midoya giggled. "I'm so telling Kuroro you saw my breasts," she said wickedly and Nobunaga froze in terror, gaping wordlessly at her. Then she was past him and running as fast as she could.

"Fuck it! Kito!" Nobunaga roared and came after her, his face bright red with embarrassment. "That was…! That was totally not my…! You fucking flashed me! What the fuck! You're Dancho's girlfriend! Those… are… are _his_! Why're you flashing _Dancho's boobs_ at me for?"

Midoya laughed breathlessly and continued running. Around her, she felt the presences of several Ryodan members closing in on her. They had obviously given up being stealthy since they now know that she knew they were there. Unlike the scramble up the Perz bank, Midoya sensed the hurriedness and slight disorganisation in this particular chase. Hopefully that indicated that she had messed up their plans. Hopefully. There was still the possibility that the Ryodan members were much better actors and actresses than she had anticipated, and were just fooling her into thinking… Well, Paranoia was obviously the kind of friend that sticks with you, through thick and thin, and everything in between.

Something flashed across her senses. Midoya's head whipped up, just in time to see Franklin's Nen bullets raining down on her. "Eek," Midoya gasped and rolled away as fast as she could. The street behind her exploded and she felt the heat of the Spider's Nen sear her skin as she tumbled away from it to the sidewalks.

Without stopping to assess the damage done, Midoya sprang to her feet and continued running. But they were too close. She could _feel_ Feitan and Phinx right behind her, close enough that their Nen was touching her skin. She _could_ try flashing them as she had done with Nobunaga, but she had a sneaky feeling that Feitan especially wouldn't be too impressed by the sight of her breasts. Well, only one thing left to do, and here she was hoping she wouldn't have had to resort to this. Seriously, her hair was going to smell for days.

Phinx's fingers actually grazed her back as he lurched forward in an attempt to grab her and Midoya leapt away, timing her jump to coincide with the manhole before her. "Ying," she snapped in mid-air, and before anyone could stop her, zoomed into the manhole.

Oh… goodness… Midoya would have held her nose if she had one. The sewer smelled as bad as she remembered. The only time she'd ever smelt anything worse was when she had visited Meteor City. Only decorum had prevented her from holding a handkerchief to her nose the whole time she was there.

Nonetheless, the Ryodan had forced her into a corner and there was nowhere to go but forward. Midoya did not enjoy visiting the sewers of York Shin, but given that she lived in the city and that the sewers were an integral part of it, she had familiarised herself with some of the more prominent parts of the waste disposal system. At the moment, she appeared to be in one of the secondary pipes that led to the main pipe that ran under the central square. She wasn't entirely familiar with the blueprint of this part of town but she at least knew roughly which direction to head in.

Above her, she felt Phinx's Nen flare up, perhaps to smash in the manhole, so Midoya surged forward, darting around corners as fast as she could go while still keeping the general direction of the central square in her head. She had no idea how long she did this, zooming around the underground labyrinth of York Shin City, before she suddenly realised that she couldn't sense the Ryodan anymore.

Freezing into place, Midoya returned to human form, deliberately making a show out of her Nen. Then she went into Zetsu, holding herself entirely still and listening hard. Fifteen minutes ticked past. Then thirty. Still no Ryodan. As Midoya's eyes flicked up and down the pipe suspiciously, her phone rang.

"Kuroro," she greeted hesitantly (who else would it be after all), "I… I lost the Ryodan…?"

"_Well, yes, no need to sound so unsure, dear. They lost you about an hour back,"_ Kuroro replied blandly. _"Congratulations. It's not usually this easy to get rid of the Spiders." _

"Thank you," Midoya demurred confusedly. She honestly had not expected to lose the Ryodan at all, and to have it happen was just… was just… what was she supposed to do now? She could go home, she supposed. There were perhaps four hours left to the day, and it will take her about that long to return to her penthouse. She might even be able to take a shower before Kuroro returned. Hope flared in the depths of her pitch-black soul. Then Paranoia returned with a vengeance. Because Paranoia is a good friend that way. "You don't sound upset," she noted suspiciously. "Why are you not upset?"

"_Ah."_ Kuroro chuckled and the hairs on the back of her neck stood up. _"Well, my precious Midoya, I've always known what a powerful, scheming, resourceful Hunter you are. It's not beyond the scope of reasonable consideration that you will be able to escape my Ryodan even when they're working together." _

"Thank you. Is that a compliment? A _real _compliment?" Midoya shuddered. "Kuroro, you're scaring me."

His chuckles turned into a genuine laugh and Midoya started down the pipe again, glancing behind her worriedly. _"Like I said, I anticipated the possibility of you shaking off my Ryodan. So what do you think I did?" _

Oh no. "What did you do?" Midoya asked warily.

"_Oh? My little omniscient Midoya does not know? Has your little prankster, this… Jeremy… not reported back to you?" _

Double oh no. He was having too much fun with this, and knowing Kuroro, he would only be having fun if… "Why has Jeremy not reported back to me?" Midoya asked, since that was obviously what he wanted her to do.

"_Hmm. Well, I'm not his baby-sitter so I don't know for sure. If I were to guess though, I would say it might be because he is currently locked in a half-flooded water tank with Kikita, a tank that can only be opened from the bridge." _Kuroro paused in mock hesitation and added, with the pure, divine innocence of a cherub,_ "I did mention that I have assumed control of your submarine, didn't I?" _

"Oh."

"_And my goodness, Midoya, you little minx. You have the best toys on the market. I did not know that you owned a submarine, much less one equipped with a long-distance missile with a GPS tracking system." _She could visualise the smile on his face, that inimical, diabolical one he always wore right before he goes in for the kill.

"Oh…"

"_And you will be pleased to know, my dear, that I have you on radar now as a little red blinking dot." _

"Oh…"

"_It's a good thing you're still in the outskirts of York Shin. The collateral damage shouldn't be too bad. Good luck dear. I'll see you soon."_

"Goodbye," Midoya muttered then barely had time to bring up her Nen before the bomb fell right on top of her.

* * *

Two hours to midnight found the waters at a particular pier on the Yorbian continent inky black, still and as menacingly oppressive as a graveyard. Lapping at the concrete pathways and planks that surrounded them, the waves resembled nothing less than shadowy wraiths struggling to escape the depths of the icy hell they were trapped in. There was no one around; all the fishermen and sailors have retreated inland to escape the night sea breeze which was as cold and as unforgiving as an iceberg.

If there had been someone around though, a fisherman taking advantage of the still waters to fish for squid, for example, he would have noticed something odd in the water. Why were there suddenly ripples in the water? Why were the fish, squid and other sea-life fleeing? And was that patch of sea darker than the rest? Most people would, at this point, either leave or continue to gape at the strange patch of water that seemed to be travelling at an increasingly dangerous speed towards the pier.

If you were one of these brave and curious types, you would have then died when a military submarine suddenly erupted from the water and smashed into the pier before coming to a stop.

"Oops," Kuroro, lying on the floor of the bridge of the submarine, said innocently.

"I told you to slow down," Jeremy, who was no longer smiling, complained next to Kuroro. "I told you _several_ times to slow down."

"Yes, I did catch that. It was hard not to, given how you were screaming in my ear repeatedly to stomp on the brakes. However, it would have been more helpful if you had told me _where_ the brakes are."

"I tried, but you weren't listening!" Jeremy groaned. He closed his eyes, opened them again to peer at the damage done to the submarine then groaned and closed his eyes again. "I'm dead," he muttered, banging the back of his head against the bridge floor, "I am so, _so_ dead."

"At least you aren't dead yet," Kikita commented optimistically from the other side of Kuroro.

"Yeah, not yet. But soon. I am going to die soon."

"That is true for all of humanity, Jeremy. We all start dying from the moment we are born," Kuroro told him helpfully.

Jeremy fixed him with a glare. "I told you to slow down," he repeated helplessly.

"Ah, but I have learned it is useless trying to _tell_ the Dancho of the Genei Ryodan anything," Kikita said wisely. "It's much easier to just _ask_."

Kuroro smiled unrepentantly. "At least I let you out of the water tank," he told them. "I could have left you in there with that squid that somehow managed to get into it. As seen from the wounds on your legs, it has quite the nasty bite."

"I wish you had left us in there," Jeremy said mournfully. "I would have rather risked being bitten by that squid than going back to face Ms Kito. She is going to kill me for letting you take over her submarine and then ruining it."

"Oh, don't worry," Kuroro said cheerfully and with full disregard for Jeremy's life, "Midoya is generally quite a nice person. Generally. She _might_ be angry about you losing her submarine, which resulted in a bomb being dropped on her, but in my defence, she started it. Of course I had to retaliate."

"Are they always like that?" Jeremy asked Kikita weakly.

"Always, except when they're fucking, then they seem to get along perfectly fine."

"That's not true, we always get along, except when she tries to kill me or play horrible pranks on me, or when I annoy her, in which case we definitely have issues getting along with each other. Fortunately, as Kikita pointed out, sex cures everything, so we have no serious relationship problems at all." Kuroro beamed happily as Jeremy groaned and banged his head against the floor again.

A delicate cough interrupted the stimulating conversation and all three of them looked up to see a boyish face peering down at them from the opened hatch. "Hey Dancho!" Shalnark said, waving cheerfully.

"Shal," Kuroro greeted as he climbed to his feet. "Are you still keeping an eye on Midoya?"

"We lost her in the blast," Shalnark said brightly. "We could initiate Plan… um… are we supposed to be saying these in front of them? Who are they anyway? Hey! You must be Kikita Timbal! Wow, Nobu wasn't kidding when he said you look just like your brother. The two of you could be twins."

"And you're the Spider my brother keeps playing online games with," Kikita replied, looking none too happy about it. "You're the reason he still hasn't gotten laid."

Shalnark blinked and looked offended. "I thought the reason Pepeka is still a virgin is because he can't get over Kito, while Kito refuses to have any kind of relationship with him," he pointed out with what Kuroro thought was a great deal of reason, but Kikita snorted as if that answer was hardly satisfactory for her, though she didn't comment further.

"So, what now?" she asked instead. "You have something like two hours left. What are you going to do with that?"

"Go find Midoya, of course," Kuroro replied, climbing back to his feet. "Knowing her, she's probably returned to her penthouse to wait for me."

"Really?"

"Yes, after we try to kill each other, we tend to end up having amazing sex. There seems to be something about almost killing each other that raises our levels of arousal. Of course, in this case, there was hardly a proper attempt made at ending each other's life, so I should probably expect something like above-average sex as opposed to amazing sex."

Kikita raised an eyebrow. "Your relationship with her is so healthy," she sighed, climbing to her feet too. "Alright, I'm off then."

"Where to?"

"Agocchi of course." Kikita winked. "I'm looking forward to a little romp in the park of my own. John recently discovered role-playing. You know what that is right?"

"My lover is Midoya, Kikita. _Midoya_. You might remember her as the one who owns over half the red-light district in York Shin. Of course I do. Seriously though? Role-play? I may sound rather superficial saying this but John is by no means the kind of person I can imagine in a sexual situation without feeling some degree of nausea."

Kikita grinned widely and informed him, "My John looks good in a nurse costume." Then laughing at his expression, she left the submarine.

"And you?" Kuroro asked, turning to regard the young man who had hounded him the entire day. "What will you do now?"

"Report to Miss Kito, of course," Jeremy replied with a lop-sided, weary smile. "My duties only end at midnight so technically I'm still on the job now. But I must say," he held out a hand, "you were quite the impressive prey. This was my toughest assignment yet and we weren't even being serious about it."

"Why thank you," Kuroro replied, shaking the hand offered. "You didn't do too badly, all things considered. I foresee a promising career as a Kito Butler, that is, assuming Midoya doesn't do something violent and tragic to you for destroying her submarine."

"Thanks a bunch," Jeremy replied, wryly. "You take care too, Mr Lucifer." With a perky, jovial wave, the young man departed.

Nodding at Shalnark, Kuroro indicated that they should follow the young man's lead and leave the submarine, preferably before it exploded on them.

"Well, that was easy," Shalnark commented, reaching a hand down to help Kuroro up the ladder. "So I guess you don't need us anymore? Shall I tell the Ryodan to disperse?"

"Yes, that would be good," Kuroro said, leaping easily but cautiously onto the wet surface of the submarine (one fall a day was one too many). "I can't afford to let my guard down just yet. It's not quite midnight and knowing Midoya, she will want revenge one me for dropping a bomb on her. However, since I am now in York Shin, I believe I can carry out any counter-tricks myself. It's fine to get the Ryodan to disperse."

"Okay!" Shalnark said. "I'll do just… uh… Dancho, there's something on your hand."

"My hand?" Kuroro glanced at said appendage then blinked in astonishment and annoyance because engraved on his hand, the one Jeremy had shook, was a bright pink, badly-drawn penis.

* * *

The time was eleven forty-seven at night when Kuroro finally started to scale the outside wall of the apartment block Midoya lived in. He didn't bother to conceal himself as he leapt up the side of the building; he had no doubt that Midoya was already aware that he was near. Besides, there was only ten minutes left to the day. By the time he reached the top, it would be eight minutes. He doubted even Midoya could prank him in eight minutes, not when he could feel through _En_ that she was definitely the only person in her penthouse.

So, though still cautious, Kuroro was fairly relaxed when he vaulted over her window ledge and into the penthouse.

Midoya, his intelligent, practical, obnoxious Midoya, was standing with her back to him at the kitchen. When she turned around to face him with a welcoming smile on her face, whatever she had meant to say died on her lips and she started to laugh hysterically.

Kuroro, now covered in badly-drawn penises from his arms all the way to his torso, attempted to glare.

"It's not funny," he said sternly, which made her laugh even harder. "Midoya," he warned, a threatening tone in his voice. She responded by curling up in a foetal position on the floor, laughing hysterically. "My goodness," Kuroro sighed.

Well, if you can't beat them then join them.

Besides, it turned out that her laughter was fairly contagious.

"Oh, I'm sorry Kuroro, I'm so sorry," Midoya finally gasped, wiping tears off her face. "I swear I did not order… that was Jeremy was it not? I recognise his Nen. I swear I did not ask him to do that. Oh, but it's so hilarious! I'm going to have to give him a pay rise now, even if he let you take over my submarine and ruin it."

"I'm so pissed with you," Kuroro told her, but she obviously didn't believe him, probably because he was laughing as hard as she was.

"Well, you wouldn't be if you'd come in half an hour earlier," Midoya chuckled. "You would have seen me running naked through the streets wearing nothing but oil, sewage and asphalt. That bomb was pure genius, Kuroro; it set my clothes, already soaked in oil, on fire and I was forced to remove them completely. And it set off some rather flammable gases in the pipes and caused a horrible explosion. That brought down a couple of shop-houses, a few malls, some skyscrapers… and most of the surrounding area. If you watched the news, you would have seen an emergency news broadcast about terrorists simultaneously striking York Shin and Dumaras at the same time. I have no idea how to explain this to Cheadle-san, Kuroro, absolutely no idea. She's going to be _so_ pissed at me."

That set him off again, which set her off, and they ended up sitting on her recently furnished floor, giggling hysterically.

"Alright," Kuroro said finally. "At first I was annoyed, but I'll admit now that April Fools' Day is a fairly entertaining day. Thank you for sharing it with me, though next year, I would appreciate it if you could let me help out with the practical jokes instead of making me the victim of your sadistic sense of humour." He paused to draw in some much needed air. "Speaking of victims, how did Pepeka fare?"

"Not too bad, actually. It was quite a surprise. He didn't manage to escape any of the pranks, like you did, but he did manage to escape long enough to avoid the worst of it," Midoya beamed. "He's becoming stronger each day. I am incredibly proud of my precious baby. One day he's going to catch up with us and prove to be a truly powerful Hunter."

"One can only hope," Kuroro replied wryly, though he had to admit that his opinion of Pepeka had improved over the years. Stretching, he got to his feet and added, "I hope you don't mind if I stay the night? You might have noticed that I have nothing but the rags on my back at the moment."

"Of course not, dear," Midoya replied. "I've already made preparations for it, having anticipated that you would probably not want to travel back immediately to Meteor City in the state you are now."

"Smart girl," he said and kissed the back of her hand. "Well, I'm going to take a shower now. Unlike you, I'm still covered in oil and… graffiti. I hope this is not permanent or I'll have to do something extremely violent to Jeremy."

"His Nen will disappear in three hours," Midoya assured him. "Jeremy _is_ still in training after all; his Nen isn't strong enough to last longer than that."

"Good," Kuroro said, shrugging out of his torn shirt. "I'll clean off what I can now and think about revenge later." He paused when another thought struck him. "My belongings that I left in Dumaras…"

"Already on their way here," Midoya said, smiling. "Everything, from your coat to your Benz knife will reach this address by tomorrow morning." Kuroro nodded his thanks and gave her a quick kiss. "Ugh, you smell like pasta that has gone bad," she complained.

"And whose fault is that?" Kuroro shot back tartly. Her laughter followed him all the way into the bathroom.

Closing the door behind him, Kuroro sighed with pleasure as he finally started to remove the grimy, sweaty clothes he had been wearing the whole day. As fun as this day had been, he was still glad it was over. He hadn't had much sleep or food for over twenty-four hours, and he was looking forward to getting some rest and sustenance. Food sounded wonderful. He knew Midoya always kept some cookies in her fridge. The thought made his stomach growl.

As he stepped into the shower, the bathroom door behind him opened. Expecting to see a naked Midoya, Kuroro turned around with a smile beginning to form on his face, a smile that was disrupted by a pie flying violently and with great precision into his face.

Stumbling backwards in shock, Kuroro involuntarily spluttered in outrage. "Midoya!" he managed to get out, swiping at his face. "What the…! You! It's…!" At the same instance, a chime sounded somewhere in the distance.

"And it's midnight," she said, from the door where she had been chortling gleefully. "Only now is the day over, Kuroro. You should have kept your eye on the clock and not let your guard down."

Wiping cream and biscuit crumbs off his face, Kuroro glared and stepped forward to gather her into his arms. "You little minx," he growled, deliberately smearing the remains of the pie onto her face and making her squeal. "You're going to pay for that."

"The day's over," Midoya protested, laughing and struggling playfully in his grasp. "The day's over… Kuroro!" She cried out in protest as he carried her under the shower, which was still running, and hit his shoulder hard enough to leave a bruise.

"Shower with me," Kuroro said, smiling as she squealed and giggled in turn. "I'll forgive you if you do."

"I've already showered, but alright," Midoya replied, laughing as she wrapped her arms around his neck. "I'll scrub your back if you'll scrub mine."

"Then we are in agreement," Kuroro smiled and kissed her, deeply this time.

Contrary to his expectations, the sex turned out to be awesome.

The End

* * *

And that is the end of this story. I haven't done a shorter story like this in a while, so it was kind of refreshing to go back to my roots, which is short stories with more focus on comedy than action. I had fun doing it and I hope you had fun reading it. Leave a review telling me if you did!

I'm not done with the next story to this, so no preview yet, but I can assure you that I have two stories in the making, both longer than this one and thus a little more difficult to write. Something will be out… hopefully. More than that, I am praying that the manga will continue sometime soon so I can draw a little inspiration from it. But from the looks of things, I'll have to seek inspiration elsewhere. If anyone has any good books or fanfictions to recommend, please do! It will be greatly appreciated.

Also, as promised, below is the special surprise I have planned: Pepeka's POV of this day! Read and enjoy!

* * *

A Series of Very Bad Jokes: Pepeka's Verbal Log as Recorded on 01 Apr 20XX

**Date: 31 Mar 20XX. Time: 2200. Location: Apartment.**

Got my battle gear on. Weapons check. Armour check. Food and water check. First aid check. I have checked and double-checked the locks. There are only three openings into the place: the front door, the balcony and the window. I have barricaded the front door and the balcony with planks of wood infused with Nen but have left the window open. That is my route of escape because sensei's pranksters will manage to break into my apartment somehow.

They always do.

**Time: 2327. Location: Apartment.**

Telakata dropped in for a visit. I almost threw him off the balcony, thinking he was one of sensei's pranksters. As it turns out, he is just here for a visit. Luckily, I still have some orange juice left. He has some great stories about his latest adventure in Buperastia. I should visit there someday – hopefully with sensei. We often share rooms and the scent of her lotions always fill the entire space. I get to smell her all the time that way.

Shit, I sound like a creep. How do I delete stuff like that on tape. Fucking bloody hell… why did sensei make me record this thing on a _cassette tape_ instead of a digital file? How do these antiques even work?

Ah, fuck it. Gonna get Telakata some orange juice.

**Date: 01 Apr 20XX. Time: 0009. Location: Somewhere Outside Apartment.**

Turns out Telakata _is_ one of sensei's pranksters.

Fucking traitor.

Fucking silly string in my face. Now I can't see a single thing in front of me.

**Time: 0016. Location: Street Outside Apartment**

Accidentally stepped on a cat because I couldn't see with silly string in my eyes.

Turns out the cat was a prankster too and now I have scratch marks all over my face.

How the _fuck_ is that even possible? It's a fucking cat!

**Time: 0057. Location: In My Car**

Equipment lost so far: Chewing gum. Plasters. Wallet. Keys to my apartment. Multi-function knife. My trousers.

I'm just fucking glad I'm wearing clean underwear. Still hoping sensei didn't get anyone to take pictures.

Oh god, pictures.

**Time: 0059. Location: In My Car **

The leather is so cold against my ass.

Oh fuck! The recording was… ah shit! Forgot to turn this…

**Time: 0123. Location: Outside the Burning Wreck That Was My Car**

I expected the heat-seeking missiles, the night-vision goggles, and the snipers. I also expected the trained commandos, the Nen-users and the host of Hunters.

What I did not expect were the flying monkeys. Like. Monkeys with wings. Like that one there. Huh. Wings. Monkeys. Definitely did not expect that.

Nice costumes. They even look real.

**Time: 0127. Location: Running Away From The Burning Wreck That Was My Car**

Fucking hell, they are _real_! Real monkeys! Real monkeys with wings! How is this fucking possible?

Also, I totally get the reference, sensei. Heh heh. Nice one.

But, still! How is it possible?!

**Time: 0330. Location: York Shin Airport**

Finally found an explanation for the cat and the monkeys. There was a Nen-user controlling them. Phew, for a moment I was totally convinced sensei turned into the Wicked Witch of the West or something. That would be shitty. Green is totally not her colour at all. Besides, sensei's too pretty to be a wicked witch. She's more like… an angel. A beautiful angel, hair as dark as night and skin as fair as morn. Eyes as bright as stars and a smile that slays the dawn God, she's so… lovely.

Ahem. Anyway, just glad I managed to return to my game plan: get the fuck out of York Shin. The private blimp I hired for the occasion is still here, which is awesome since I'm still not wearing any pants and that would cause some fuss on a commercial flight. Had some explaining to do at the airport, but I'm finally on my way to the blimp. From there, I intend to head to my secret base that I had planned many months in advance for this. Totally going to show sensei that I'm an awesome hunter who can avoid her practical jokes!

**Time: 0339. Location: York Shin Airport**

Where the hell is my blimp?

**Time: 0349. Location: York Shin Airport**

Oh my god, that is _so_ not funny.

What am I going to do now? I can't fly on a blimp covered with pictures of _naked men!_ The blimp is rented under my name! Hell, the blimp has my _name_ written on it! In big, bright pink letters! Right next to the naked men! Who have muscles! Like huge muscles! And huge dicks! And flowers in their hair! _The whole world can see everything_! Fuck!

Okay, I'm not doing this. Totally not doing this. Going to have to find a different way out of York Shin.

**Time: 0458. Location: International Air Space **

Turns out I _can_ ride on a blimp covered with naked men. Especially since the alternative is being chased through York Shin's crowded club streets by _the same naked men_.

So here I am, sitting in a blimp covered with pictures of naked men and it's good. Good. So far, I've only gotten fifteen demands by various air defence units asking me to identify myself or be shot down. And only two countries have threatened to arrest me so far for public indecency. I've also only gotten six calls from people I know telling me things like 'Awesome way to come out, bro', 'Hey, good news! I just knew all those rumours about you being in love with your sensei couldn't be true because I would totally rather be gay than bone that' and 'Sexy! I knew it! I always knew you were just like me! Wanna come over and fuck?', which is… you know, not that bad since it's only six calls. Which is not all my friends. Which is good. Not awkward. Definitely not awkward.

Oh god, I am ruined.

**Time: 0530. Location: International Air Space**

Snakes on the blimp! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Why are they motherfucking snakes on the motherfucking blimp?

**Time: 0531. Location: International Air Space**

Oh.

Ohhh.

Ohhhhh.

I get it. Well played, sensei.

**Time: 0600. Location: International Air Space**

Dear Hunter Pepeka Timbal,

Given the nature of what had just happened to you, it is likely you have no idea what had struck you or where you are going now. As per Blacklist Hunter Kito's instructions, I am to put down in this recording the events that led to your current state and what will happen to you until you finally regain consciousness.

So, to bring you up to date, we shall start from the last thing you remember, which is probably combating a tall, mean-looking, dark-skinned man wearing an eye-patch and a leather jacket. You most likely do not remember if you won or not. You didn't. The prankster, who is Mr S.J. Flynn, knocked you out after you took up his 'double dare' and repeated 'what' by shooting you up with a rather powerful sedative. The purpose of this is, of course, not to harm you, but so we can transport you to the stage Ms Kito has arranged for what she termed your 'training'.

As one of Ms Kito's pranksters, I'm not allowed to help you, but as a fellow Hunter, I must say that I feel quite sorry for you. So I have a piece of advice for you.

The moment you wake up, _run_.

You can thank me next time.

Kiss

PS: So you think your sensei is pretty and lovely. Dude, you are pretty fucked up.

**Time: 0800. Location: ?**

Run? _Run?_ How the fuck did you expect me to run from that, you motherfucking bastard? How does one _run from mayonnaise_? Fuck! Geez! Okay. Alright. Chill. Chill out, dude. It's not the end of the world. It is not the fucking end of the world. At all. There's still… hope. I just need to figure out where I am and how to get out of here. It's just that easy. Chill. Okay. I'm good. I'm good.

Oh, and before I forget.

Equipment lost (addition): My gun, my shirt _and_ my undershirt.

Fuck, the weather is cold here. Where the hell am I anyway?

**Time: 0810. Location: ?**

Text from sensei. Someone took a photo of me standing on top of the burning blimp in my undies and a shotgun, and all the _pictures_ blazing up beneath me. I look like the star of some campy, bizarre gay porn flick.

And my undies ain't so clean anymore.

And now sensei knows.

Oh god, I want to die.

Please let me die.

**Time: 0914. Location: World Tree**

I got it! I got it! I motherfucking got it! I know where I am now! I'm near the world tree! Fuck yeah! Thanks for the hint, sensei! Don't know how I missed the giant tree towering from the earth to the skies the first time round, but I've finally got it! Woohoo!

**Time: 0920. Location: Going Up the World Tree**

And not entirely by choice either.

Fucking Big Foot. Feet. Foots. Whatever. Fuck you all, you evolutionary fuck-ups! There's a reason humans rule the world now while you guys wither away in some isolated patch of forest!

Heh, I learned that insult from sensei. Only, she said, "the tragic, poignant by-products of evolution mouldering away in the abandoned ruins of a primitive forest", but I made it my own cos I don't actually know what 'poignant' actually means. Sounds quite edible actually – like fish.

Damn, I'm hungry.

**Time: 0930. Location: Near the Top of the World Tree**

Never expected to find a hang-glider here, but fuck _yeah_! This is the fucking best training ever!

Would be nicer if I had more than my undies on though. It's so cold my dick is shrivelling up.

…

I need to stop… saying stuff like that while the recorder is still… fuck. Never mind.

**Time: 0932. Location: Somewhere Between the Top and the Middle of the World Tree**

Hmm, seems sensei is playing practical jokes on Kuroro too. For the first time since they've met it seems. Almost like she's really getting attached to him. Like really attached. Used to be that she only did stuff like this with me and sis and some of her friends in the HA.

…

Fuck him, I hope he's running around in his undies too, that fucking bastard. No fucking way he's doing better than I am!

**Time: 1000. Location: Bottom of World Tree**

Holy guacamole! It took me half an hour to reach the bottom – and there's a talking bear here. That can't _possibly_ be right. Controlling animals, yes, but making them talk? Hell no!

**Time: 1002. Location: Bottom of World Tree**

Holy fuck, the bear just tried to… to…! This is too much! This is too fucking much! I'm not dealing with this anymore. Fuck you, bear, and fuck you… no… I can't say that to sensei. I can't. I… I… sensei is… to me… sensei is _special._ Oh man, sensei, why are you doing this to me?

I can't believe you tried to get a bear to _hump me_!

**Time: 1003. Location: Bottom of World Tree**

Sensei now has a picture of me in my undies being licked by a bear wearing a pink apron.

This is the fucking weirdest day of my life.

**Time: 1104. Location: World Tree Town**

Okay, I managed to escape the bear and make it to town. Now, it's time to stop and plan. Firstly, I need to find something to wear because you know… I'm naked now. I mean, I did mention the bear took my briefs, right? Right. Naked. Not good. Secondly, I need to get the hell out of this town. I know sensei, and I know all the tricks she can get up to. I'm betting that if she brought me here, it's because this town is full of her people. So, I need to escape. I have no fucking idea how, but I'll think of something. Thirdly, I need to go to Plan B, because I'm betting that if sensei knew to find me at York Shin airport, she knows about the safe house I built just for today, which was Plan A. So, Plan B it is then. Hopefully she has no fucking idea what Plan B is.

**Time: 1127. Location: World Tree Town**

Lucky! I was walking through one of those smaller water channels that run through the town and met a group of nice young women washing clothes there. They offered me a shirt and pants, and even if they're a tad small for me and wet, at least I'm decent now. It's so nice of them to help me though I'm sure it must have embarrassed them to see a naked man coming down the channel. Hell, it was embarrassing for _me_ since they wouldn't stop giggling. But they're nice, so whatever. They even gave me some milk and bread to eat. God, I'm fucking starving.

**Time: 1219. Location: ?**

Holy fuck! After drinking the milk, I fell asleep and when I woke up, I was naked and tied to a bed! And those… those _women_ were standing around n… n… naked… and… and… they wouldn't stop giggling… and… and… they… they tried to _violate me_! What is this madness? Fuck, if they knew any Nen at all, I would be… I would be… fuck… ed! Literally! Fucked! I'm just so fucking glad I managed to break the bonds and escape.

And you know what the best thing is? They aren't even sensei's pranksers.

**Time: 1335. Location: World Tree Town Airport **

I have no fucking idea how I made it, but I did. I'm at the airport now. Not exactly out of the danger zone yet, but not doing too badly. At least I'm dressed. I found the clothes those _women_ gave me, and even if they were a bit dirty from being torn off me and flung to the floor, they still cover more of me than you know… not wearing anything.

Okay, that's not important. What's important is getting the fuck back to York Shin.

See, the way I figured it, going back to York Shin will be the last thing sensei expects me to do. That's because she knows that I know that York Shin is her home ground. She's got more connections there than anywhere else in the world. So, the last thing I should want to do, as her… you know… prey… is go back there. But, because that's _so unexpected_, sensei wouldn't expect me to do that, so maybe I could use that to my advantage. I'll just take a blimp back and hide out in my apartment until the end of the day.

I mean, that makes sense. It should work, right?

**Time: 1550. Location: York Shin Airport**

It's really nice of sensei to have a welcome party for me at the airport with signs reading, "Welcome Back to York Shin" and "Your Apartment Has Been Sealed By the Police".

Thanks sensei. Really appreciate it.

**Time: 1610. Location: Outside York Shin Airport**

And I've lost my shirt again. Seriously, what the hell?

Oh hey! A message from sensei.

**Time: 1611. Location: Car**

Pictures of me on the blimp in my undies! Pictures of me being kissed by a bear! Pictures of me running naked through World Tree Town! Pictures of me being _licked by women_! All about to be released onto the internet in half an hour _unless I manage to hack the system and stop them!_ Fuck! Fuck! Sensei! Fuck! Gotta find a cybercafé! Gotta find a cybercafé! Gottan find a cybercafé! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

**Time: 1625. Location: Matrix Cybercafe **

I managed to stop it. Thank god I managed to stop it. Thank the many, many gods that I managed to stop it. Sensei, that was the _worst_ prank to date. Seriously… seriously… Fuck, I'm so relieved. My god. Those pictures of me… seriously. If that got out… it would be worse than the blimp; so much worse. Man, sensei, I swear, there are better ways than that to test if my hacking skills are still up to date!

**Time: 1628. Location: Matrix Cybercafe**

And there goes my pants along with my sense of relief.

I definitely did not expect the chair I was sitting on to _vacuum _my pants off me. Good one, sensei. That point definitely goes to you.

On that note, how the fuck did she know I would go to _this_ cybercafé and sit on this specific chair anyway? You're omniscient, sensei. Fucking omniscient.

**Time: 1700. Location: Boutique le Vincent**

I broke into a store and bought a shirt and pants using my Hunter License. I feel so fucking… fucked, because now anyone who bothers to check will know that I walked naked into this store and bought this because I was… naked. This is turning out to be the most embarrassing day of my life. I'm just so lucky the store owner is eighty and pretty much blind. It's the only reason he didn't whack me over the head with his walking stick when I walked in.

**Time: 1712. Location: Boutique le Vincent**

I was seriously no longer surprised when the eighty year old man turned out to be a twenty year old Nen-user. I was also totally not surprised when the floor of the boutique gave way beneath me and I dropped through a large, dark hole into the bowels of the shop.

I was, on the other hand, definitely surprised to discover the bowels of the shop contained a huge colony of rabbits – ten feet fall rabbits with razor-sharp teeth and claws, and lasers shooting out from their eyes.

On the bright side, this is probably sensei's least offensive prank to date.

**Time: 1806. Location: Near Goddess Park**

Hey, I swear I just saw Nobu and Phinx and some of the other Spiders a moment ago. They looked like they were chasing someone or something. I'm still wondering if I should drop by and say hi. But then, they're most likely robbing some organisation or killing a bunch of people or something like that. Doubt they will have the time to socialise. Besides, if I see them doing something bad, I would just feel morally obliged to stop them and that's bound to strain our friendship some. I'll just be on my way.

**Time: 1840. Location: Lost in Goddess Park**

Holy fuck, a bomb just dropped on York Shin! I totally saw it! It was an AKX-GPS-IN bomb I think. Wow, was that a terrorist attack or something? That was fucking insane. The flames seriously went _that_ high. I should go check it out. People might need my help.

**Time: 1900. Location: Bomb Site**

I… uh… may or may not have just seen sensei uh… running… away… naked.

Holy crap.

Sensei.

Naked.

Uh.

Huh.

Boobs.

**Time: 1936. Location: York Shin Central**

Okay, I've managed to convince myself that wasn't sensei I saw. I mean, it doesn't make sense. Why would she be running naked through the streets? I mean, sensei's a real, proper woman. She wouldn't be doing stuff like that. She's most likely sitting at home and plotting my demise or something like that.

And I only say that because I just noticed a couple of people dressed in black following me. They've been behind me for a couple of blocks by now. Either they're attempting to mug me or they're sensei's pranksters. Now, the way I see it, it's most likely the latter because people generally don't like to mug me. I'm a big guy. People don't like mugging big guys. Unless they're freaky that way.

So alright. Think, Timbal. What should I do now? Think, damn it!

Ah! Eureka! I have an idea!

**Time: 2001. Location: Top of Purrfect Boutique**

Huh, turns out those people in black weren't from sensei. They were actually real robbers. Like, not Genei Ryodan type of robber, but normal, everyday low-lives. That's weird. It's been two hours since sensei's pranksters have struck. That's too long a wait. It doesn't make sense. I'm missing something. I'm definitely missing something. Oh my god, the next prank is sure to kill me. I'm sure it's going to kill me. Fuck, I'm scared. I'm so scared.

**Time: 2002. Location: Top of Purrfect Boutique**

Alright, I can't take the waiting anymore. Calling Telakata it is. I'm getting him to talk even if it means beating the shit out of him.

**Time: 2005. Location: Top of Purrfect Boutique**

Oh my god. Kuroro turned sensei's pranks on her and the _Genei Ryodan is after her_! Holy fucking shit! This is… fuck! This is _fucked_! Sensei is in trouble! I've got to go get her! Man, no wonder she hasn't been playing any pranks on me. She's been too busy trying to get away from the Spiders. Hell! I can't believe Kuroro actually turned the tables on her. I've never even thought of doing that! I mean, it is good training, this whole April Fools' thing. That stupid Kuroro has no sense of humour at all whatsoever!

_And_ I can't believe he stole all her attention away from me, that fucking attention-whore.

**Time: 2018. Location: Bottom of Purrfect Boutique**

Okay, so I should totally have not dropped my guard. Even if sensei is being chased by the Spiders, she's still _sensei_, which means she can totally multi-task and get people to do things like, oh, I don't know… push me off a building into a tub of green, fluorescent gel with a bunch of naked women in it.

On the bright side, sensei is paying attention to me again! Yeah!

**Time: 2100. Location: York Shin Central**

Alright, there are now three hours left to the day. I'm covered in green, glow-in-the-dark goo with a ton of chicken feathers stuck to them. That means I'm causing quite the commotion as I stroll about town. Now, with my experience and my in-depth knowledge of the way sensei functions, this three hours are going to be the worst of the day. This is when all the shit is going to hit the fan, probably at the same time, and I'm not going to catch a break at all.

There's only one thing left to do now and that is to _run like hell is after me_!

**Time: 2200. Location: York Shin Avenue**

I've been running around for an hour already. Where are all of sensei's pranksters? Don't tell me Kuroro is doing something to steal sensei's attention again. Should I go look for sensei? Maybe she will need my help. I mean, I get that the Spiders aren't out to hurt her, but the last time Kuroro tried to woo sensei, he blew up her buildings. Like, her _buildings_. If that's what the Spiders consider romantic, I seriously don't want to think about what they consider _funny_.

Oh wait… holy fuck, I see Shal! Hey, not just Shal! I see a whole bunch of Spiders!

Going over to say 'hi'!

**Time: 2247. Location: Pepeka's Apartment**

Heya, Timbal,

You know how like when you watch television and the mums in television shows always tell their kids never to talk to strangers because they may be criminals and will do bad things to you? Well, guess what? That applies to people you _know_ too. Especially when those people are definitely criminals. Especially, especially when those people are definitely evil, violent criminals. Like. You know. The Genei Ryodan.

Anyway, you see, that is why _this_ is happening to you. And by 'this', I mean you getting stripped naked and dangled from the balcony of your apartment. Because it's April Fools' and we're the Spiders and we're totally in the mood to prank people. No worries though, that is only the first of the pranks we intend to play on you. It's going to be really rushed since there's only like an hour left, so I guess we'll have to skip the scalpels and whips, and go straight for the goats and aloe vera. Don't worry too much about the goat too; we checked it for diseases and shit. Literally.

Oh, and we're totally taking pictures. Smile and say 'fuck you'!

Nice one. The lighting in your apartment is shit though. If you had white light instead of yellow, we might be able to capture this better. Still, it's clear what's happening. Nice. I mean, it's real cool. Dancho's always very keen about keeping records and stuff like that. It's so we can remind ourselves what happened in the past. I mean, most of us remember most stuff, because we have brains and whatnot, but some of us ain't as good as remembering as we like to be. Seeing as how you remind us of Ubo so much, we're guessing your memory is pretty crap about most things.

So, you see, Timbal, even though I'm watching you now as you're screaming and crying and all that shit, I'm going to record it down, just so you can remember this moment for the rest of your life. So, you know, you can learn from this humiliating and degrading incident, since this whole April Fools' thing is supposed to be 'training' after all.

Training. Heh. If this is training than Kito's the most lenient sensei I've ever met in my life. I mean, you should totally see how Dancho used to train us. Man, I've got a total of sixty-eight scars on my body, and sixty of them were inflicted by Dancho. Just thinking about what made them still makes me shudder and want to pee my pants. Seriously, there's a reason Dancho's Dancho. It's because of the scars, man, the _scars_.

And he taught me how to count, which is how I know that I have sixty-eight scars on my body, ten fingers and toes, and two eyes. Which is awesome, I must say. I mean, imagine going through life not knowing how many eyes, noses and mouths you have. That some identity crisis shit in the making, man. Serious identity crisis shit. It ain't nothing compared to killing your dad and marrying your mum. Dancho saved me from all that kind of shit which is as good a reason to love that man as any.

Yeah, so like I said, sixty-eight scars on me and seventy… seventy… um… one, two, three, four, five, six, seven… seventy-seven scars on you! We are buddies for life now, Timbal, so quit crying, man. It's not that easy becoming friends with a Spider, you know? The next time one of us drops dead, I'm totally recommending you for membership.

Ah, this was great fun. We should totally do this again next year. I mean, no one's saying anything, but ever since that time Dancho got taken by the chain-user and we all fell out so badly over what we should do, things have been a tiny bit awkward between the group who wanted to go after Paku, and the group that wanted to wait and see. But this whole like 'try to kill each other' thing that is April Fools' seems like a great way for the team to bond again and move on past that bastard Hisoka's betrayal. Yeah, that sounds like a great idea! We'll totally do it again next year, and you can totally join us Timbal.

In the meantime, enjoy your goat. And the aloe vera.

See ya next year!

Regards,

Nobunaga, for the Ryodan


End file.
